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News For Country Cousins
by [?]


Dear Coz, as I know neither you nor Miss Draper,
When Parliament’s up, ever take in a paper,
But trust for your news to such stray odds and ends
As you chance to pick up from political friends-
Being one of this well-informed class, I sit down
To transmit you the last newest news that’s in town.

As to Greece and Lord Cochrane, things couldn’t look better–
His Lordship (who promises now to fight faster)
Has just taken Rhodes and despatched off a letter
To Daniel O’Connell, to make him Grand Master;
Engaging to change the old name, if he can,
From the Knights of St. John to the Knights of St. Dan;–
Or if Dan should prefer (as a still better whim)
Being made the Colossus, ’tis all one to him.

From Russia the last accounts are that the Tsar–
Most generous and kind as all sovereigns are,
And whose first princely act (as you know, I suppose)
Was to give away all his late brother’s old clothes[1]–
Is now busy collecting with brotherly care
The late Emperor’s nightcaps, and thinks, of bestowing
One nightcap apiece (if he has them to spare)
On all the distinguisht old ladies now going.
(While I write, an arrival from Riga–the “Brothers”–
Having nightcaps on board for Lord Eldon and others.)

Last advices from India–Sir Archy, ’tis thought,
Was near catching a Tartar (the first ever caught
In N. Lat. 2l.)–and his Highness Burmese,
Being very hard prest to shell out the rupees,
And not having rhino sufficient, they say, meant
To pawn his august Golden Foot[2] for the payment.

(How lucky for monarchs, that thus when they choose
Can establish a running account with the Jews!)
The security being what Rothschild calls “goot,”
A loan will be shortly, of course, set on foot;
The parties are Rothschild, A. Baring and Co.
With three other great pawnbrokers: each takes a toe,
And engages (lest Gold-foot should give us leg-bail,
As he did once before) to pay down on the nail.

* * * * *

This is all for the present–what vile pens and paper!
Yours truly, dear Cousin–best love to Miss Draper.

September, 1826.

NOTES:
[1] A distribution was made of the Emperor Alexander’s military wardrobe by his successor.

[2] This potentate styles himself the Monarch of the Golden foot.