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When I First Put This Uniform On
by [?]

When I first put this uniform on,
I said as I looked in the glass.
“It’s one to a million
That any civilian
My figure and form will surpass.
Gold lace has a charm for the fair,
And I’ve plenty of that, and to spare,
While a lover’s professions,
When uttered in Hessians,
Are eloquent everywhere!
A fact that I counted upon,
When I first put this uniform on!”

I said, when I first put it on,
“It is plain to the veriest dunce
That every beauty
Will feel it her duty
To yield to its glamor at once.
They will see that I’m freely gold-laced
In a uniform handsome and chaste–
But the peripatetics
Of long-haired aesthetics,
Are very much more to their taste–
Which I never counted upon
When I first put this uniform on!”