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"Mylo Jones’s Wife"
by [?]

“Mylo Jones’s wife” was all
I heerd, mighty near, last Fall–
Visitun relations down
T’other side of Morgantown!
Mylo Jones’s wife she does
This and that, and “those” and “thus”!–
Can’t ‘bide babies in her sight–
Ner no childern, day and night,
Whoopin’ round the premises–

Mylo Jones’s wife she ‘lows
She’s the boss of her own house!–
Mylo–consequences is–
Stays whare things seem SOME like HIS,–
Uses, mostly, with the stock–
Coaxin’ “Old Kate” not to balk,
Ner kick hoss-flies’ branes out, ner
Act, I s’pose, so much like HER!
Yit the wimmern-folks tells you
She’s PERFECTION.–Yes they do!

Mylo’s wife she says she’s found
Home hain’t home with MEN-FOLKS round
When they’s work like HERN to do-
Picklin’ pears and BUTCHERN, too,
And a-rendern lard, and then
Cookin’ fer a pack of men
To come trackin’ up the flore
SHE’S scrubbed TEL she’ll scrub no MORE!–
Yit she’d keep things clean ef they
Made her scrub tel Jedgmunt Day!

Mylo Jones’s wife she sews
Carpet-rags and patches clothes
Jest year IN and OUT!–and yit
Whare’s the livin’ use of it?
She asts Mylo that.–And he
Gits back whare he’d ruther be,
With his team;–jest PLOWS–and don’t
Never sware–like some folks won’t!
Think ef HE’D CUT LOOSE, I gum!
‘D he’p his heavenly chances some!

Mylo’s wife don’t see no use,
Ner no reason ner excuse
Fer his pore relations to
Hang round like they allus do!
Thare ’bout onc’t a year–and SHE–
She jest GA’NTS ’em, folks tells me,
On spiced pears!–Pass Mylo one,
He says “No, he don’t chuse none!”
Workin’men like Mylo they
‘D ort to have MEAT ev’ry day!

Dad-burn Mylo Jones’s wife!
Ruther rake a blame caseknife
‘Crost my wizzen than to see
Sich a womern rulin’ ME!–
Ruther take and turn in and
Raise a fool mule-colt by hand’
MYLO, though–od-rot the man!–
Jest keeps ca’m–like some folks CAN–
And ‘lows sich as her, I s’pose,
Is MAN’S HE’PMEET’–Mercy knows!