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Breitmann In Politics: 2. The Committee Of Instruction
by [?]

Denn for our Insdructions Comedy de ding vas protocollirt,
By Docktor Emsig Grubler, who in Jena vonce studiret;
Und for Breitmann his insdrugtions de comedy tid say
Dat de All out-going from de Ones vash die first Morál Idée.

Und de segondt crate Morál Idée dat into him ve rings,
Vas dat government for every man moost alfays do efery dings;
Und die next Idée do vitch his mindt esbecially ve gall,
Is to do mitout a Bresident und no government ad all.

Und die fourt’ Idée ve vish der Hans vouldt alfays keeb in fiew,
Ish to cooldifate die Peaudifool, likevise de Goot und Drue;
Und de form of dis oopright-hood in proctise to present,
He must get our liddle pills all bassed, mitout id’s gostin’ a cent.[1]

Und die fift’ Idée – ash learnin’ ish de cratest ding on eart’,
Und ash Shoopider der Vater to Minerfa gife gebirt’-
Ve peg dat Breitmann oonto oos all pooplic tocuments
Vhich he can grap or shteal vill sendt – franked – mit his gompliments.

Die sechste crate Morál Idée – since id fery vell ish known
Dat mind is de resooldt of food, ash der Moleschott has shown,
Und ash mind ish de highest form of Gott, as in Fichte dot’ abbear-
He moost alfays go mit de barty dat go for lagerbier.

Now ash all dese insdrugdions vere showed to Mishder Twine,
De Yangee boledician, he say dey vere fery fine:
Dey vere pesser ash goot, und almosdt nice – a tarnal tall concern;
Boot dey hafe some liddle trawbacks, und in fagdt weren’t worth a dern.

Boot yet, mit our bermission, if de shentlemans allow-
Here all der Sharmans in de room dake off deir hats und pow-
He vouldt gife our honored gandidate some nodions of his own,
Hafing managed some elegdions mit sookcess, as vell vas known.

Let him plow id all his own vay, he’d pet as sure as born,
Dat our mann vouldt not coom oud of der liddle endt der horn,
Mit his goot proad Sharman shoulders – dis maket oos laugh, py shink!
So de comedy shtart for Breitmann’s – Nota bene – after a trink!

This refers to the passage of bills in the Legislature of a state by means of bribery. In Pennsylvania, as in many other states, bills which have “nothing in them” – i.e. no money – are rarely allowed to pass.