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If a Grain of Snuff should happen to fall on the Lady’s Bosom, wipe it off with your Fingers; and if none fall, wipe off that none. Take every Opportunity to be as officious in her Service as possible. If she drop her Fan or Gloves, presently take them up; for this you will have sure Reward in the very Fact, for you may at the same time lift up her petticoat and see her Legs.

Be careful that the Person who sits behind her doth not press her tender Back with his Knee. Small Matters captivate light Minds. Many a Man hath drawn considerable Advantage from handing[18] a Lady to Coach, by gallanting her Fan, or even by taking up her Clog[19].

Nor will[20] Tower-hill, when the Tragic Scaffold is strewed with Saw-Dust, be an improper Place to begin your Intrigue: for Cupid himself always attends, and acts the Part of an Executioner on such Occasions; many a poor Man having lost his Heart, while he hath attended to another’s losing his Head. While the Fair-One carelessly laying her Hand on his, argues concerning the Criminal’s Guilt, and offers to lay a Wager that he will die well; the wounded Lover feels a sudden Stroke, and is not better able to bear the Smart without a Sigh.

[21]If it was the Custom of England to imitate the Romans in insulting over the Conquered, what Spectacles might have formerly been exhibited! How many French Youths and Virgins might have followed the Chariot-Wheels of our Monarchs! In that Cafe many a poor English Heart must have submitted to a French Conquest, and Beauty would have been triumphant in Chains. Nay, I prophesy we shall again see those victorious Times. Our Mighty GEORGE now meditates new Triumphs, and France [22] shall be punished as she ought. Rejoice, O ye Shades[23], whose Bodies lie buried in the Plains of Fontenoy, where British Colours were polluted by Gallic Hands. WILLIAM your Avenger comes. The General in him shone forth in his first Campaign, and while a Youth, he managed War beyond his Years. Let not his Age therefore deter us from ranking him among our greatest Commanders. His Warlike Genius springs forth and outruns his Years, impatient of the sluggish Pace of Time. The Swedish Charles [24] was scarce beyond a Child when he crushed two mighty enemies at once; Charles [25] the German Prince, yet but a Youth, what was he when he past the Rhine and terrified the Host of France ? Thy Father’s Genius, WILLIAM, and his Courage, shall inspire thy youthful Arms. With that Genius and that Courage shalt thou conquer. Such Beginnings dost thou owe to the mighty Name of thy illustrious Sire; that thou who art the Noblest of all young Commanders mayst hereafter become the first among the old. ‘Tis time to avenge the Injuries attempted to thy House, and to maintain thy glorious Father’s Rights. Thy Country’s Father and thy own, girts on thy Sword, and thy Cause is no less glorious than thy Arms. In both is France inferiour, and to both shall yield. I prophesy, that thou shalt conquer, and to thy Conquest I dedicate my votive Prayers, prepared hereafter to resound thy Praise; when we shall see thee, most lovely Prince, returning, thy Glories far outshining the Gold in which thou art attired. Thee shall Crouds of Youths and beauteous Virgins hail from their crouded Windows as thou passest, and universal Joy shall overspread each British Face on that Blest Day.

If then, my Scholar, thou shouldst happen to be placed in a Window near some lovely Girl, who, fired with the Glories of the young Conqueror, should enquire into all his matchless Labours[26], his Wound at Dettingen; his Danger and Intrepidity at Fontenoy; his Toils at home, in defiance of Cold and Fatigue; his Pursuit to Carlisle; his Victory at Culloden; and many more which will then be as well known; repeat all if thou canst, and if thy Memory fails, go on nevertheless: for Invention cannot here outdo the Reality, and thy Fictions shall recommend thee equal with Truth to her Ears.