PAGE 16
The Lovers Assistant, Or, New Art Of Love
by
Now there was great Justice in both these Examples; for nothing can be more equitable than that the Inventers of Cruelty should perish by their own Art.
To apply this to our present Purpose: As there is no Deceit or Perjury which Women will stick at putting in use against us, let them lament the Consequence of their own Examples.
Thirdly, Tears are of great Service. The Proverb tells you, Tears will move Adamant. If you can bring it about therefore, let your Mistress see your Cheeks a little blubbered upon Occasion.
If Tears should refuse to come (as they sometimes will) an Onion in your Handkerchief will be of great use.
Fourthly, Kisses. What Lover of any Sense doth not mix Kisses with his tender Expressions! Perhaps she will not give them easily: No Matter, take them without her Leave.
Perhaps she will scratch, and say you are rude: Notwithstanding her Scratches, she will be pleased with your getting the better.
Do this, however, in so gentle a Manner, that you may not hurt her tender Lips; nor let her complain of being scrubbed with your Beard.
Now when you have proceeded to Kisses, if you proceed no farther, you may well be called unworthy of what you have hitherto obtained. When you was at her Lips, how near was you to your Journey’s End! If therefore you stop there, you rather deserve the Name of a bashful ‘Squire than of a modest Man.
The Girls may call this perhaps Violence; but it is a Violence agreeable to them: For they are often desirous of being pleased against their Will: For a Woman taken without her Consent, notwithstanding her Frowns, is often well satisfied in her Heart, and your Impudence is taken as a Favour; whilst she who, when inclined to be ravished, hath retreated untouched, however she may affect to smile, is in reality out of Humour.
Ravishing is indeed out of Fashion in this Age; and therefore I am at a Loss for modern Examples; but antient Story abounds with them.
Miss[50] Phoebe and her Sister were both ravished, and both were well pleased with the Men who ravished them.
Though the Story of Deidamia was formerly in all the Trojan News-Papers, yet my Reader may be pleased to see it better told.
Venus had now kept her Word to Paris, and given him the Beauty she had promised, not as a Bribe, but as a Gratification for his having made an Award in her Favour, in the famous Cause between Juno and others against Venus, in Trover for a Golden Apple; which was referred to him at the Assizes at Ida.
Paris, every one knows, no sooner had received Mrs. Helen, than he immediately carried her off to his Father’s Court.
Upon this the Grecians entered into an Association; and several Noblemen raised Regiments at their own Expence, out of their Regard to the Public: For Cuckoldom was a public Cause, no one knowing whose Turn it would be next.
Lieutenant-General Achilles, who was to command a large Body of Grenadiers, which the Greeks call Myrmidons, did not behave handsomely on that Occasion, though he got off afterwards at a Court-Martial by pleading, that his Mother (who had a great deal in her own Power) had insisted on his acting the Part he did; for, I am ashamed to say, he dressed himself in Women’s Clothes, and hid himself at the House of one Lycomedes, a Man of good Fortune in those parts.
Fie upon it, General, I am ashamed to see you sit quilting among the Girls; a Sword becomes your Hands much better than a Needle.
What can you mean by that Work-Basket in a Hand by which Count Hector is to fall? Do you carry that Basket with you to put his Head in?