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The Journalist’s Story
by
“Well, I’m sorry. You’ve no occasion to feel like that, I’m sure.”
“All right, if you say so. What train shall we take?”
He stretched out one hand to take the small bag she carried.
She shrank back instinctively, and withdrew the bag. He must have felt rather than seen the movement, it was so slight.
His hand fell to his side.
Still, he persisted.
“I’m dead done up, Dora. I need my dinner, come on!”
“Then you’d better take the 6.00 train. You’ve just time,” she said hurriedly.
“All right. Come on!”
He laid his hand on her shoulder with a gesture that was entreating. It was the first time he had touched her. A frightened look came into her eyes. He did not see it, for he was still avoiding her face. It was as if he were afraid of reading something there he did not wish to know.
Her red lips had taken on a petulant expression–that of one who hated to be “stirred up.” In a childish voice–which only thinly veiled an obstinate determination–she pouted: “I’m not going–yet.”
The words were said almost under her breath, as if she were fearful of their effect on him, yet was determined to carry her point.
But the man only sighed deeply as he replied: “I thought your dancing lessons were over. I hoped I was no longer to spend my evenings alone. Alone! Looking round at the things that are yours, and among which I feel so out of place, except when you are there to make me forget. God! What damnable evenings I’ve spent there–feeling as if you were slipping further and further out of my life–as if you were gone, and I had only the clothes you had worn, an odor about me somewhere to convince me that I had not dreamed you! Sometimes that faint, indistinct, evasive scent of you in the room has almost driven me out of my head. I wonder I haven’t killed you before now–to be sure of you! I’m afraid of Hell, I suppose, or I should have.”
The woman did not look at all alarmed. Indeed there was a light in her amber eyes that spoke of a kind of gratification in stirring this young giant like that–this huge fellow that could so easily crush her–but did not! She knew better why than he did–but she said nothing.
With his eyes still fixed on space–after a pause–he went on: “I was fool enough to believe that that was all over, at last, that you had danced to your heart’s content, and that we were to begin the old life–the life before that nonsense–over again. You were like my old Dora all day yesterday! The Dora I loved and courted and married back there in the woods. But I might have known it wasn’t finished by the ache I had here,” and he struck himself a blow over the heart with his clenched fist, “when I waked this morning, and by the weight I’ve carried here all day.” And he drew a deep breath like one in pain.
The woman looked about as if apprehensive that even his passionate undertone might have attracted attention, but only a man by the radiator seemed to have noticed, and he had the air of being not quite sober enough to understand.
There was a long pause.
The woman glanced nervously at the clock.
The man was again staring over her head.
It was quarter to six. Her precious minutes were flying. She must be rid of him!
“See here, Zeke, dear,” she said, in desperation, speaking very rapidly under her breath–no fear but he would hear–“the truth is, that I’m not a bit better satisfied with our sordid kind of life than I was a year ago, when we first discussed it. I’m awfully sorry! You know that. But I can’t change–and there is the whole truth! It’s not your fault in one way–and yet in one way it is. God knows you have done everything you could, and more some ways than you ought. But, unluckily for you, gratifying me was not the way to mend the situation for yourself. It is cruel–but it is the truth! If a man wants to keep a woman of my disposition attached to him, he’d do far better to beat her than over-educate her, and teach her all the beauties of freedom. He should keep her ignorant, rather than cultivate her imagination, and open up the wonders of the world to her. It’s rough on chaps like you, that with all your cleverness you’ve no instinct to set you right on a point like this–but it is lucky for women like me–at times! You were determined to force all this out of me, so you may as well hear the whole brutal truth. I’m sick of our stupid ways of life–I have been sick of it for a long time. I’ve passed all power to pretend any longer. I have learned that there is a great and beautiful world within the reach of women who are clever enough and brave enough to grasp at an opportunity, without looking forward or back. I want to walk boldly to this. I’m not afraid of the stepping-stones! This is really all your fault. When you married me, five years ago, I was only sixteen, and very much in love with you. Now, why didn’t you make me do the housework and drudge as all the other women on the farms about yours did? I’d have done it then, and willingly, even to the washing and scrubbing. I had been working in a cotton mill. I didn’t know anything better than to drudge. I thought that was a woman’s lot. It didn’t even seem terrible to me. But no–you set yourself to amuse me. You brought me way up to town on a wedding journey. For the first time in my life I saw there idle women in the world, who wore soft clothes and were always dressed up. You bought me finery. I was clever and imitative. I pined for all the excitement and beauty of city life when we were back on the farm, in the life you loved. I cried for it, as a child cries for the moon. I never dreamed of getting it. And you surprised me by selling the farm, and coming nearer the town to live. Just because I had an ear for music, and could pick out tunes on the old melodeon, I must have a piano and take lessons. Just because my music teacher happened to be French and I showed an aptitude for studying, that must be gratified. Can you really blame me if I want to see more of the wide world that opened up to me? Did you really think French novels and music were likely to make a woman of my lively imagination content with her lot as wife of a mechanic–however clever?”