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The Farrier Lass O’ Piping Pebworth
by
“Dost thou call that devil’s-riding-horse ‘Bellibone?'” quoth she, with what breath there was left to her. “By my troth, I think she hath not another bone in her whole body besides her backbone!”
But I spake o’ Keren. Thou knowest that even as a lass she had a sharp tongue o’ her own–as keen as a holly leaf, by my troth. So be it. ‘Twas one day nigh unto Martlemas that old Butter did undertake to chide her for conducting herself after the manner o’ a lad rather than o’ a lass.
Quoth she to him, a-setting of her little black pate to one side, and of her little brown arms akimbo–quoth she, “Since the Lord hath not made me a lad,” quoth she, “I cannot more than act like one; and so I will do!”
Quoth he, “Thou hast a sour name, a bitter tongue, and a peppery temper, jade; and the two last be not gifts o’ the Lord.”
“And thou,” quoth she, “hast a mustard conceit, for right sure am I that ’tis big enough for a goose to roost in! And whether th’ Lord hath given it to thee or not, I’m glad I have ‘t not,” quoth she; for she had heard it read, in some meeting whither her mother would sometimes take her, of how the fowls o’ the air did lodge i’ th’ branches o’ the mustard-plant. Well, by’r lay’kin, th’ village hath ne’er forgot that to this day, and that I’ll prove thee when we be through drinking!
What hath become o’ her? Go to! Sure thou knowest that? Well, well ’tis a tale to make a play of. I’ve often thought, had Master Shakespeare known of ‘t, how he would ‘a’ fashioned it into a jolly play. Tell thee of ‘t? What! art in earnest? By the mass, then, thou must drink again. Come, fill up, fill up. What there! a cup o’ the amber drink for Master Turnip!
Let me see: how old was th’ lass when thou didst set forth on thy jauntings? Some two years, methinks. And she was fourteen on the first day o’ March i’ that year wherein she did sauce old Butter with some o’ ‘s own wit for gibing at her for a tomboy. O’ my word, man, th’ old fellow was not far i’ th’ wrong. If e’er th’ angel o’ life did make an error i’ th’ distributing o’ souls, ’twas on the night Keren was brought into this world. And a say that with a cause, moreover; for th’ same night, mark you, one Mistress Mouldy, over the way, was brought to bed o’ a man-child. That’s neither here nor there. Herein doth lie the singularity. That child did grow up to knit stockings i’ th’ door-way like any wench; Peter Mouldy’s th’ name, and a plays a part i’ th’ story I’m about to relate to thee. Ne’er in all thy travels hast thou e’er seen so crack-brain a wench as my Keren! Lord! it set thy head to swimming did she but enter a room. She had no more stability o’ motion than a merry-go-round; and she was that brown, a bun looked pale i’ th’ comparison, when she did lift it to her mouth to eat it. A strapping jade, and strong as any lad o’ her age i’ th’ village. In her seeming she took neither after her mother nor after me, though she was a comely wench as wenches go–hair as black as a January night in stormy weather, and eyes as big and as bright and as yellow (o’ my word)–as yellow as two crown pieces! They looked out from under her thick eyebrows like sunlight peeping from a heavy cloud. And she was made like a lad for suppleness. Taller than her mother by head and shoulders, and within a full inch o’ my forelock. By’r lay’kin! how she could sing too! She would troll thee a ditty i’ th’ voice o’ a six-foot stripling, but for a’ that, as sweet as bells far away on a still noon in summer-tide. And she was always getting hold o’ saucy songs, and putting them to tunes o’ her own invention. A could ‘a’ had aye the lads i’ th’ village, had a wanted ’em; but, Lord! a had one sweetheart one day, and another the next, till they were one and all for murdering or marrying her. But she would none o’ ’em. ‘Twas one summer’s day, her mother being gone to th’ village, that she did set about to brew some sack; and as she did stand by the big pot while it cooled, to see that naught fell into ‘t, up comes Master Peter Mouldy with his knitting, and grins at her across the caldron, after the fashion o’ a horse eating briers. She not noticing him, quoth he,