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But to come back to th’ lass. And, now that I think o’ th’ lass, comrade, I am not so sure that a scolding wife is not well paid for by a duteous daughter. Nay, I am sure o’t. Methinks I would ‘a’ been wed twice, and each time to a shrew, could I but ‘a’ had my Keren o’ one o’ ’em. Ay, even so, even so.

Well, as I said–or as I meant to say–Master Hacket wedded th’ Visor hussy within two weeks o’ th’ day whereon he and my Keren had ‘t so fierce i’ Sweethearts’ Way. And therein are two meanings: they fell out, as is the way with sweethearts, and they fell out i’ th’ lane so called.

Well, well, let me crack a quart o’ sack with thee, comrade, and a joke at th’ same time.

A married Ruth Visor, and they went to Lunnon Town. And on th’ night o’ their wedding, as I sat by the fireside i’ th’ kitchen a-mending my tools (for ’twas on a Saturday night), and Keren abed, and Mistress Lemon a-peeling o’ leather-jackets to make th’ Sunday pie,

“Wife,” saith I to her (a-mending my tools, as I ha’ said), “wife,” quoth I, “would ’twere our lass were wed to-day!”

“For why?” saith she. No more, no less.

“For why?” saith I. “For the why I think a lass is happier wed to th’ man she loves,” saith I.

“‘Tis not so I’ve found it,” quoth she, a-peeling of an apple so that thou couldst ‘a’ put his whole coat back and not ‘a’ known ‘t had e’er come off.

Then quoth I, a-chuckling in my throat at having so snared her, “Right glad am I to find out that thou lovest me!” quoth I.

“If thou’st found out that,” quoth she, “thou’rt greater than Columbus,” quoth she, “for thou’st discovered something that never was,” quoth she.

“Bodykins, woman!” saith I, a-losing of my temper–“then for what didst thou marry me?”

“For a fool,” quoth she. “And I will say as I ha’ got the full o’ my bargain,” quoth she.

Whereat so wroth was I that I said naught, knowing that if I did open my lips or move my hand ‘twould be to curse her with th’ one and cuff her with t’other.

By-and-by saith she, “And where, by’r lay’kin, wilt thou find a man good enough in thy eyes for th’ lass?” saith she.

“Not on earth,” quoth I. “Neither in this land nor that other across the sea,” quoth I.

“Ay, ay,” quoth she. “Very like thou wouldst have th’ wench to wed with an angel,” quoth she; “to have all thy grandchildren roosting on a gold bar, and their dad a-teaching of ’em how to use their wings,” quoth she. “Or with one o’ th’ red men i’ th’ new country, to have them piebald red and white, like a cock-horse at Banbury Cross,” quoth she. And with that up she gets, and flings the apple-parings into th’ fire, and gets her to bed without more ado. Whereupon day doth again find me i’ this very tavern.

Well, well, a year had passed, and things were jogging very peaceful like, and Keren settled down as quiet as a plough-broken mare, when one day as I sit i’ th’ kitchen, while th’ lass mends my apron, there comes a fumbling at th’ latch like as though a child made shift to open it. Then quoth I, “Belike ’tis little Marjory Pebble, or one o’ the Mouldy lads over th’ way;” for the babes all loved Keren, and, now that she was waxed so quiet, th’ lads left her more to herself, and she would sit on th’ bench by the cottage door and make little kickshaws by th’ hour–elder-wood whistles, and dolls o’ forked radishes, and what not. So quoth I, “Belike ’tis little Marjory Pebble,” quoth I, and th’ lass having her lap full o’ my apron, I went and opened th’ door. And there, comrade, a-kneeling in th’ grass outside, with her head all hid in her kirtle, as she had kneeled two years agone on t’other side o’ that very door, was Mistress Ruth Hacket; and she was a-sobbing as though her heart would break. And while I stand staring, ere I could find a word to my tongue, comes that lass o’ mine and pushes me aside like as though I had been little Marjory Pebble–ha! ha! And down goes she on her knees beside th’ lass, and gets an arm about her, and presses down her head, all hid as ’tis in her kirtle, against her breast, and she saith to her,