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A Marriage Service For Commuters
by [?]

(Fill in railroad as required)

Wilt thou, Jack, have this woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together in so far as the —- Railroad will allow? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, take her to the movies, prevent the furnace from going out, and come home regularly on the 5:42 train?”

“I will.”

“Wilt thou, Jill, have this commuter to thy wedded husband, bearing in mind snowdrifts, washouts, lack of servants and all other penalties of suburban life? Wilt thou obey him and serve him, love, honor and keep him, and let him smoke a corncob pipe in the house?”

“I will.”

“I, Jack, take thee, Jill, to my wedded wife, from 6 P.M. until 8 A.M., as far as permitted by the —- Railroad, schedule subject to change without notice, for better, for worse, for later, for earlier, to love and to cherish, and I promise to telephone you when I miss the train.”

“I, Jill, take thee, Jack, to my wedded husband, subject to the mutability of the suburban service, changing trains at—-, to have and to hold, save when the card club meets on Wednesday evenings, and thereto I give thee my troth.”