Roll on, thou ball, roll on!Through pathless realms of SpaceRoll on!What though I’m in a sorry case?What though I cannot meet my bills?What though I suffer toothache’s ills?What though I swallow countless pills?Never YOU mind!Roll on! Roll on, thou ball, roll on!Through seas of inky airRoll on!It’s true I’ve got no shirts to wear;It’s true […]

It was a robber’s daughter, and her name was ALICE BROWN,Her father was the terror of a small Italian town;Her mother was a foolish, weak, but amiable old thing;But it isn’t of her parents that I’m going for to sing. As ALICE was a-sitting at her window-sill one day,A beautiful young gentleman he chanced to […]

A tar, but poorly prized,Long, shambling, and unsightly,Thrashed, bullied, and despised,Was wretched JOE GOLIGHTLY. He bore a workhouse brand;No Pa or Ma had claimed him,The Beadle found him, andThe Board of Guardians named him. P’r’aps some Princess’s son–A beggar p’r’aps his mother.HE rather thought the one,I rather think the other. He liked his ship at […]

The air is charged with amatory numbers–Soft madrigals, and dreamy lovers’ lays.Peace, peace, old heart! Why waken from its slumbersThe aching memory of the old, old days? Time was when Love and I were well acquainted.Time was when we walked ever hand in hand;A saintly youth, with worldly thought untainted,None better-loved than I in all […]

There were three niggers of Chickeraboo–PACIFICO, BANG-BANG, POPCHOP–whoExclaimed, one terribly sultry day,“Oh, let’s be kings in a humble way.” The first was a highly-accomplished “bones,”The next elicited banjo tones,The third was a quiet, retiring chap,Who danced an excellent break-down “flap.” “We niggers,” said they, “have formed a planBy which, whenever we like, we canExtemporise kingdoms […]

Oh, is there not one maiden breastWhich does not feel the moral beautyOf making worldly interestSubordinate to sense of duly?Who would not give up willinglyAll matrimonial ambition,To rescue such a one as IFrom his unfortunate position? Oh, is there not one maiden here,Whose homely face and bad complexionHave caused all hopes to disappearOf ever winning […]

When a felon’s not engaged in his employmentOr maturing his felonious little plans.His capacity for innocent enjoyment,Is just as great as any honest man’sOur feelings we with difficulty smotherWhen constabulary duty’s to be done:Ah, take one consideration with another,A policeman’s lot is not a happy one! When the enterprising burglar isn’t burgling,When the cut-throat isn’t […]

To a garden full of posiesCometh one to gather flowers,And he wanders through its bowersToying with the wanton roses,Who, uprising from their beds,Hold on high their shameless headsWith their pretty lips a-pouting,Never doubting–never doubtingThat for Cytherean posiesHe would gather aught but roses! In a nest of weeds and nettles,Lay a violet, half hidden,Hoping that his […]

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,I’ve got a little list–I’ve got a little listOf social offenders who might well be underground,And who never would be missed–who never would be missed!There’s the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs–All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs–All children who are up […]

If you want a receipt for that popular mysteryKnown to the world as a Heavy Dragoon,Take all the remarkable people in history,Rattle them off to a popular tune!The pluck of Lord Nelson on board of the Victory —Genius of Bismarck devising a plan;The humor of Fielding (which sounds contradictory)–Coolness of Paget about to trepan–The grace […]

HE.Prithee, pretty maiden–prithee, tell me true(Hey, but I’m doleful, willow, willow waly!)Have you e’er a lover a-dangling after you?Hey, willow waly O!I fain would discoverIf you have a lover?Hey, willow waly O! SHE.Gentle sir, my heart is frolicsome and free–(Hey but he’s doleful, willow, willow waly!)Nobody I care for comes a-courting me–Hey, willow waly O!Nobody […]

The law is the true embodimentOf everything that’s excellent.It has no kind of fault or flaw,And I, my lords, embody the Law.The constitutional guardian IOf pretty young Wards in Chancery,All very agreeable girls–and noneAre over the age of twenty-one.A pleasant occupation forA rather susceptible Chancellor! But though the compliment impliedInflates me with legitimate pride,It nevertheless […]

On a tree by the river a little tomtitSang “Willow, titwillow, titwillow!”And I said to him, “Dicky-bird, why do you sitSinging ‘Willow, titwillow, titwillow?’Is it weakness of intellect, birdie?” I cried,“Or a rather tough worm in your little inside?”With a shake of his poor little head he replied,“Oh, willow, titwillow, titwillow!” He slapped at his […]

When I was a lad I served a termAs office boy to an Attorney’s firm.I cleaned the windows and I swept the floor,And I polished up the handle of the big front door.I polished up that handle so successfulleeThat now I am the Ruler of the Queen’s Navee! As office boy I made such a […]

When a merry maiden marries,Sorrow goes and pleasure tarries;Every sound becomes a song,All is right and nothing’s wrong!From to-day and ever afterLet your tears be tears of laughter–Every sigh that finds a ventBe a sigh of sweet content!When you marry merry maiden,Then the air with love is laden;Every flower is a rose,Every goose becomes a […]

Take a pair of sparkling eyes,Hidden, ever and anon,In a merciful eclipse–Do not heed their mild surprise–Having passed the Rubicon.Take a pair of rosy lips;Take a figure trimly planned–Such as admiration whets(Be particular in this);Take a tender little hand,Fringed with dainty fingerettes,Press it–in parenthesis;–Take all these, you lucky man–Take and keep them, if you can. […]

I cannot tell what this love may beThat cometh to all but not to me.It cannot be kind as they’d imply,Or why do these gentle ladies sigh?It cannot be joy and rapture deep,Or why do these gentle ladies weep?It cannot be blissful, as ’tis said,Or why are their eyes so wondrous red? If love is […]

A British tar is a soaring soul,As free as a mountain bird,His energetic fist should be ready to resistA dictatorial wordHis nose should pant and his lips should curl,His cheeks should flame and his brow should furl,His bosom should heave and his heart should glow,And his fist be ever ready for a knock-down blow. His […]

A lady fair, of lineage high,Was loved by an Ape, in the days gone by–The Maid was radiant as the sun,The Ape was a most unsightly one–So it would not do–His scheme fell through;For the Maid, when his love took formal shape,Expressed such terrorAt his monstrous error,That he stammered an apology and made his ‘scape,The […]

Try we life long, we can neverStraighten out life’s tangled skein,Why should we, in vain endeavor,Guess and guess and guess again?Life’s a pudding full of plums;Care’s a canker that benumbs.Wherefore waste our elocutionOn impossible solution?Life’s a pleasant institution,Let us take it as it comes! Set aside the dull enigma,We shall guess it all too soon;Failure […]