Once on a time a lad I knew–His sister called him Bubby;His cheeks were red, his eyes were blue,And he was plump and chubby.Indeed, he was so stout a boy,Some called him Roly Poly Roy;They called him thatFor he was fatAnd very plump and chubby. He caused his father grief profound,And made his mother worry,Because […]

There was a ridiculous RatWho was awfully puffy and fat.“I’ll carry,” he said,“This plate on my head,‘Twill answer in place of a hat.” And then he remarked with a frown,“I suppose that I must have a gown;I’ll make me a kiltOf this old crazy-quilt,To wear when I’m going to town. “And of course, though the […]

The Beetle was blind, and the Bat was blinder,And they went to take tea with the Scissors-grinder.The Scissors-grinder had gone awayAcross the ocean to spend the day;But he’d tied his bell to the grapevine swing.The Bat and the Beetle heard it ring,And neither the Beetle nor Bat could seeWhy no one offered them any tea.So, […]

There lived a wondrous sculptor once, a genius in his way,Named Phidias Praxiteles Canova Merryday.He sat within his studio and said, “I really mustBegin a Rhodian anaglyptic ceroplastic bust. “My customers demand them, their fame rings near and far,But then, alas, the trouble is, I don’t know what they are.Though I could carve a Venus […]

A was an apt Alligator,Who wanted to be a head-waiter;He said, “I opineIn that field I could shine,Because I am such a good skater.” B was a beggarly Bear,Who carefully curled his front hair;He said, “I would buyA red-spotted tie,–But I haven’t a penny to spare.” C was a cool Chimpanzee,Who went to an afternoon […]

Once there was a Pirate Poodle,And he sailed the briny seasFrom the land of Yankee DoodleSouthward to the Caribbees. He would boast with tales outlandish,Of his valor and renown;And his cutlass he would brandishWith a fearful pirate frown. So ferocious was his mannerAll his crew looked on, aghast;And his fearful pirate bannerFloated from his pirate […]

I don’t know why I’m slandered so,If I go high,–if I go low,–There’s always some one who will say,“Just see that mercury to-day!”And whether toward the top I crawlOr down toward zero I may fall,They always fret, and say that IAm far too low or far too high.Although I try with all my might,I never […]

There was an old Shark with a smileSo broad you could see it a mile.He said to his friends,As he sewed up the ends,“It was really too wide for the style.”

The Reg’lar Lark’s a very gay old Bird;At sunrise often may his voice be heardAs jauntily he wends his homeward way,And trills a fresh and merry roundelay.And some old, wise philosopher has said:Rise with a lark, and with a lark to bed.

The Lady Lorraine was sweet and fair;The Lady Lorraine was young;She had wonderful eyes and glorious hair,And a voice of a cadence rich and rare;Oh, she was a lady beyond compare–By all were her praises sung,Till valley and plainTook up the refrain,And rang with the praise of the Lady Lorraine. And besides all charms of […]

There was a youthful genius once, a boy of thirteen years,Named Cyrus Franklin Edison Lavoisier De Squeers.To study he was not inclined, for fun he had a bent;But there was just one article he wanted to invent. “It’s a sort of a contraption which will work itself,” he said,“And, without studying, will put my lessons […]

Our Bobby is a little boy, of six years old, or so;And every kind of rubbish in his pocket he will stow. One day he thought he’d empty it (so he again could stock it);And here’s an alphabet of what was found in Bobby’s pocket. A was a rosy Apple, with some bites out, here […]

Priscilla, Auntie’s promised meA brand-new Paris doll;And though I love you, yet you seeI cannot keep you all. Nursey declares I really mustThrow one of you away;And you’re the oldest, so I trustYou will not care to stay. You’ve lost an arm, your dress is torn,Your wig is all awry;Priscilla, you are so forlorn,We’ll have […]

A Theory, by scientists defended,Declares that we from monkeys are descended.This being thus, we therefore clearly seeThe Powder-Monkey heads some pedigree.Ah, yes,–from him descend by evolution,The Dames and Daughters of the Revolution.

The Haycock cannot crow; he has no brains,No,–not enough to go in when it rains.He is not gamy,–fighting’s not his forte,A Haycock fight is just no sort of sport.Down in the meadow all day long he’ll bide,(That is a little hay-hen by his side.)

The Poppycock’s a fowl of English breed,And therefore many think him fine indeed.Credulous people’s ears he would regale,And so he crows aloud and spreads his tale.But he is stuffed with vain and worthless words;Fine feathers do not always make fine birds.

Although a learned EntomologistMay doubt if Humbugs really do exist,Yet each of us, I’m sure, can truly sayWe’ve seen a number of them in our day.But are they real?–well, a mind judicialPerhaps would call them false and artificial.

Oft through the stillness of the summer nightWe see the Brick Bat take his rapid flight.And, with unerring aim, descending straight,He meets a cat on the back garden gate.The little Brick Bat could not fly alone,–Oh, no; there is a power behind the thrown.

This animal of which I speakIs a most curious sort of freak.Though Serpent would its form describe,Yet it is of the feathered tribe.And ’tis the snake, I do believe,That tempted poor old Mother Eve,For never woman did existWho could its subtle charm resist.

The Military Frog, as well you know,Is the famed one who would a-wooing go.And on the soldier’s manly breast displayed,He wins the heart of every blushing maid.But, as a frog, I think he’s incomplete,He has no good hind legs that we may eat.