Breitmann In Battle
by
“TUNC TAPFRE AUSFUHRERE STREITUM ET RITTRIS DIGNUM POTUERE ERIAGERE LOBUM.”
“Hiltibraht enti Hadubrant.”
DER FADER UND DER SON.[1]
I DINKS I’ll go a vightin'” – outshpoke der Breitemann.
“It’s eighdeen hoonderd fordy-eight since I kits swordt in hand;
Dese fourdeen years mit Hecker all roostin’ I haf been,
Boot now I kicks der Teufel oop and goes for sailin’ in.”
“If you go land out-ridin’,” said Caspar Pickletongue,
“Foost ding you knows you cooms across some repels prave and young.
Away down Sout’ in Tixey, dey’ll split you like a clam”-
“For dat,” spoke out der Breitmann, “I doos not gare one tam!
“Who der Teufel pe’s de repels, und vhere dey kits deir sass?
If dey make a run on Breitmann he’ll soon let out de gas;
I’ll shplit dem like kartoffels; I’ll schlog em on de kop;
I’ll set de plackguarts roonin’ so, dey don’t know vhere to shtop.”
Und de outshpoke der Breitmann, mit his schlaeger py his side:
“Forvarts, my pully landsmen! it’s dime to run and ride;
Vill riden, vill vighten – der Copitain I’ll pe,
It’s sporn und horn und saddle now – all in de Cavallrie!”
Und ash dey rode droo Vinchesder, so herrlich to be seen,
Dere coomed some repel cavallrie a riden’ on de creen;
Mit a sassy repel Dootchman – an colonel in gommand,
Says he, “Vot Teufel makes you here in dis mein Faderland?
“You’re dressed oop like a shentleman mit your plackguart Yankee crew,
You mudsills and meganics! Der Teufel put you droo!
Old Yank, you ought to shtay at home und dake your liddle horn,
Mit some oldt voomans for a noorse” – der Breitmann laugh mit shkorn.
“Und should I trink mein lager beer und roost mine self to home?
I’fe got too many dings like you to mash beneat’ my thoom:
In many a fray und fierce foray dis Dootchman will be feared
Pefore he stops dis vightin’ trade – ’twas dere he grayed his peard.”
“I pools dat peard out py de roots – I gifes him such a dwist
Dill all de plood roons out, you tamned old Apolitionist!
You creenpacks mit your swordt und vatch, right ofer you moost shell,
Und den you goes to Libby stright – und after dat to h-ll!”
“Mein creenpacks and mein schlaeger, I kits ’em in New York,
To gife dem up to creenhorns, young man, is not de talk;”
De heroes shtopped deir sassin’ here und grossed deir sabres dwice,
Und de vay dese Deutschers vent to vork vos von pig ding on ice.
Der younger fetch de older such a gottallmachty shmack
Der Breitmann dinks he really hears his skool go shplit and crack;
Der repel shoomps dwelfe paces back, und so he safe his life:
Der Breitmann says: “I guess dem shoomps, you learns dem of your vife.”
“If I should learn of vomans I dinks it vere a shame,
Bei Gott I am a shentleman, aristograt, and game.
My fader vos anoder – I lose him fery young-
Der Teufel take your soul! Coom on! I’ll split your vaggin’ tongue!”
A Yankee drick der Breitmann dried – dat oldt gray-pearded man-
For ash the repel raised his swordt, beneat’ dat sword he ran.
All round der shlim yoong repels vaist his arms oldt Breitmann pound,
Und shlinged him down oopon his pack and laidt him on der ground.
“Who rubs against olt kittle-pots may keep vhite – if he can,
Say vot you dinks of vightin’ now mit dis oldt shentleman?
Your dime is oop; you got to die, und I your breest vill pe;
Peliev’st dou in Morál Ideas? If so, I lets you free.”[2]