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Breitmann In Battle
by
“I don’t know nix apout ideas – no more dan ‘pout Saint Paul,
Since I’fe peen down in Tixey I kits no books at all;
I’m greener ash de clofer-grass; I’m shtupid as a shpoon;
I’m ignoranter ash de nigs – for dey takes de Tribune.
“Mein fader’s name vas Breitmann, I heard mein mutter say,
She read de bapers dat he died after she rooned afay;
Dey say he leaf some broperty – berhaps ‘tvas all a sell-
If I could lay mein hands on it I likes it mighty vell.”
“Und vas dy fader Breitmann? Bist du his kit and kin?
Denn know dat ich der Breitmann dein lieber Vater bin?”
Der Breitmann poolled his hand-shoe off und shooked him py de hand;
“Ve’ll hafe some trinks on strengt’ of dis – or else may I be tam’d!”
“Oh! fader, how I shlog your kop,” der younger Breitmann said;
“I’d den dimes sooner had it coom right down on mein own headt!”
“Oh, never mind – dat soon dry oop – I shticks him mit a blaster;
If I had shplit you like a fish, dat vere an vorse tisasder.”
Dis fight did last all afternoon – wohl to de fesper tide,
Und droo de streets of Vinchesder, der Breitmann he did ride.
Vot vears der Breitmann on his hat? De ploom of fictory!
Who’s dat a ridin’ py his side? “Dis here’s mein son,” says he.
How stately rode der Breitmann oop! – how lordly he kit down!
How glorious from de great pokal he drink de beer so prown!
But der Younger bick der parrel oop und schwig him all at one.
“Bei Gott! dat settles all his dings – I know dou art mein son!”
Der one has got a fader; de oder found a child.
Bofe ride oopon one war-path now in pattle fierce und vild.
It makes so glad our hearts to hear dat dey did so succeed-
Und damit hat sein Ende DES JUNGEN BREITMANN’S LIED.
FOOTNOTE 1.
This ballad is a parody of Das Hildebrandslied. Consult Wackernagel’s Lesebuch and Das klein Heldenbuch.
“Ich vill zum Land ausreiten,
Sprach sich Maister Hilteprand.”
FOOTNOTE 2.
The Republicans in America were for a long time ridiculed by their opponents as if professing to be guided by Moral Ideas, i.e. Emancipation, Progress, Harmony of Interests, etc.