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The Fudges In England
by [?]

Well, my dear, of all men, that Particular Baptist
At preaching a sermon, off hand, was the aptest;
And, long as he staid, do him justice, more rich in
Sweet savors of doctrine, there never was kitchen.
He preached in the parlor, he preached in the hall,
He preached to the chambermaids, scullions and all.
All heard with delight his reprovings of sin,
But above all, the cook-maid:–oh, ne’er would she tire–
Tho’, in learning to save sinful souls from the fire,
She would oft let the soles she was frying fall in.
(God forgive me for punning on points thus of piety!–
A sad trick I’ve learned in Bob’s heathen society.)
But ah! there remains still the worst of my tale;
Come, Asterisks, and help me the sad truth to veil–
Conscious stars, that at even your own secret turn pale!
* * * * *
* * * * *
In short, dear, this preaching and psalm-singing pair,
Chosen “vessels of mercy,” as I thought they were,
Have together this last week eloped; making bold
To whip off as much goods as both vessels could hold–
Not forgetting some scores of sweet Tracts from my shelves,
Two Family Bibles as large as themselves,
And besides, from the drawer–I neglecting to lock it–
My neat “Morning Manna, done up for the pocket.”[1]
Was there e’er known a case so distressing, dear Liz?
It has made me quite ill:-and the worst of it is,
When rogues are all pious, ’tis hard to detect
Which rogues are the reprobate, which the elect.
This man “had a call,” he said–impudent mockery!
What call had he to my linen and crockery?

I’m now and have been for this week past in chase
Of some godly young couple this pair to replace.
The enclosed two announcements have just met my eyes
In that venerable Monthly where Saints advertise
For such temporal comforts as this world supplies;
And the fruits of the Spirit are properly made
An essential in every craft, calling and trade.
Where the attorney requires for his ‘prentice some youth
Who has “learned to fear God and to walk in the truth;”
Where the sempstress, in search of employment, declares
That pay is no object, so she can have prayers;
And the Establisht Wine Company proudly gives out
That the whole of the firm, Co. and all, are devout.

Happy London, one feels, as one reads o’er the pages,
Where Saints are so much more abundant than sages;
Where Parsons may soon be all laid on the shelf,
As each Cit can cite chapter and verse for himself,
And the serious frequenters of market and dock
All lay in religion as part of their stock.[2]
Who can tell to what lengths we may go on improving,
When thus thro’ all London the Spirit keeps moving,
And heaven’s so in vogue that each shop advertisement
Is now not so much for the earth as the skies meant?

P. S.

Have mislaid the two paragraphs–can’t stop to look,
But both describe charming–both Footman and Cook.
She, “decidedly pious”–with pathos deplores
The increase of French cookery and sin on our shores;
And adds–(while for further accounts she refers
To a great Gospel preacher, a cousin of hers,)
That “tho’ some make their Sabbaths mere matter-of-fun days,
She asks but for tea and the Gospel, on Sundays.”
The footman, too, full of the true saving knowledge;–
Has late been to Cambridge–to Trinity College;
Served last a young gentleman, studying divinity,
But left–not approving the morals of Trinity.