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The Man That Died At Alma
by [?]

The man who died at Alma had a Kilkenny brogue that you could not cut with a knife, but he was called Kilquhanity, a name as Scotch as McGregor. Kilquhanity was a retired soldier, on pension, and Pontiac was a place of peace and poverty. The only gentry were the Cure, the Avocat, and the young Seigneur, but of the three the only one with a private income was the young Seigneur.

What should such a common man as Kilquhanity do with a private income! It seemed almost suspicious, instead of creditable, to the minds of the simple folk at Pontiac; for they were French, and poor, and laborious, and Kilquhanity drew his pension from the headquarters of the English Government, which they only knew by legends wafted to them over great tracts of country from the city of Quebec.

When Kilquhanity first came with his wife, it was without introductions from anywhere–unlike everybody else in Pontiac, whose family history could be instantly reduced to an exact record by the Cure. He had a smattering of French, which he turned off with oily brusqueness; he was not close-mouthed, he talked freely of events in his past life; and he told some really wonderful tales of his experiences in the British army. He was no braggart, however, and his one great story which gave him the nickname by which he was called at Pontiac, was told far more in a spirit of laughter at himself than in praise of his own part in the incident.

The first time he told the story was in the house of Medallion the auctioneer.

“Aw the night it was,” said Kilquhanity, after a pause, blowing a cloud of tobacco smoke into the air, “the night it was, me darlin’s! Bitther cowld in that Roosian counthry, though but late summer, and nothin’ to ate but a lump of bread, no bigger than a dickybird’s skull; nothin’ to drink but wather. Turrible, turrible, and for clothes to wear–Mother of Moses! that was a bad day for clothes! We got betune no barrick quilts that night. No stockin’ had I insoide me boots, no shirt had I but a harse’s quilt sewed an to me; no heart I had insoide me body; nothin’ at all but duty an’ shtandin’ to orders, me b’ys!

“Says Sergeant-Major Kilpatrick to me, ‘Kilquhanity,’ says he, ‘there’s betther places than River Alma to live by,’ says he. ‘Faith, an’ by the Liffey I wish I was this moment’–Liffey’s in ould Ireland, Frenchies! ‘But, Kilquhanity,’ says he, ‘faith, an’ it’s the Liffey we’ll never see again, an’ put that in yer pipe an’ smoke it!’ And thrue for him.

“But that night, aw that night! Ivery bone in me body was achin’, and shure me heart was achin’ too, for the poor b’ys that were fightin’ hard an’ gettin’ little for it. Bitther cowld it was, aw, bitther cowld, and the b’ys droppin’ down, droppin’, droppin’, droppin’, wid the Roosian bullets in thim!

“‘Kilquhanity,’ says Sergeant-Major Kilpatrick to me, ‘it’s this shtandin’ still, while we do be droppin’, droppin’, that girds the soul av yer.’ Aw, the sight it was, the sight it was! The b’ys of the rigimint shtandin’ shoulder to shoulder, an’ the faces av ‘m blue wid powder, an’ red wid blood, an’ the bits o’ b’ys droppin’ round me loike twigs of an’ ould tree in a shtorm. Just a cry an’ a bit av a gurgle tru the teeth, an’ divil the wan o’ thim would see the Liffey side anny more. “‘The Roosians are chargin’!’ shouts Sergeant-Major Kilpatrick. ‘The Roosians are chargin’–here they come!’ Shtandin’ besoide me was a bit of a lump of a b’y, as foine a lad as ever shtood in the boots of me rigimint–aw! the look of his face was the look o’ the dead. ‘The Roosians are comin’–they’re chargin’!’ says Sergeant-Major Kilpatrick, and the bit av a b’y, that had nothin’ to eat all day, throws down his gun and turns round to run. Eighteen years old he was, only eighteen–just a straight slip of a lad from Malahide. ‘Hould on! Teddie,’ says I, ‘hould on! How’ll yer face yer mother if yer turn yer back on the inimy of yer counthry?’ The b’y looks me in the eyes long enough to wink three times, picks up his gun, an’ shtood loike a rock, he did, till the Roosians charged us, roared on us, an’ I saw me slip of a b’y go down under the sabre of a damned Cossack. ‘Mother!’ I heard him say, ‘Mother!’ an’ that’s all I heard him say–and the mother waitin’ away aff there by the Liffey soide. Aw, wurra, wurra, the b’ys go down to battle and the mothers wait at home! Some of the b’ys come back, but the most of thim shtay where the battle laves ’em. Wurra, wurra, many’s the b’y wint down that day by Alma River, an’ niver come back! “There I was shtandin’, when hell broke loose on the b’ys of me rigimint, and divil the wan o’ me knows if I killed a Roosian that day or not. But Sergeant-Major Kilpatrick–a bit of a liar was the Sergeant-Major–says he: ‘It was tin ye killed, Kilquhanity.’ He says that to me the noight that I left the rigimint for ever, and all the b’ys shtandin’ round and liftin’ lasses an’ saying, ‘Kilquhanity! Kilquhanity! Kilquhanity!’ as if it was sugar and honey in their mouths. Aw, the sound of it! ‘Kilquhanity,’ says he, ‘it was tin ye killed;’ but aw, b’ys, the Sergeant-Major was an awful liar. If he could be doin’ annybody anny good by lyin’, shure he would be lyin’ all the time.