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Ten And Eight
by [?]

The only event of importance last week was my victory over Henry by ten and eight. If you don’t want to hear about that, then I shall have to pass on to you a few facts about his motor bicycle. You’d rather have the other? I thought so.

The difference between Henry and me is that he is what I should call a good golfer, and I am what everybody else calls a bad golfer. In consequence of this he insults me with offers of bisques.

“I’ll have ten this time,” I said, as we walked to the tee.

“Better have twelve. I beat you with eleven yesterday.”

“Thank you,” I said haughtily, “I will have ten.” It is true that he beat me last time, but then owing to bad management on my part I had nine bisques left at the moment of defeat simply eating their heads off.

Henry teed up and drove a “Pink Spot” out of sight. Henry swears by the “Pink Spot” if there is anything of a wind. I use either a “Quo Vadis,” which is splendid for going out of bounds, or an “Ostrich,” which has a wonderful way of burying itself in the sand. I followed him to the green at my leisure.

“Five,” said Henry.

“Seven,” said I; “and if I take three bisques it’s my hole.”

“You must only take one at a time,” protested Henry.

“Why? There’s nothing in Wisden or Baedeker about it. Besides, I will only take one at a time if it makes it easier for you. I take one and that brings me down to six, and then another one and that brings me down to five, and then another one and that brings me down to four. There! And as you did the hole in five, I win.”

“Well, of course, if you like to waste them all at the start–“

“I’m not wasting them, I’m creating a moral effect. Behold, I have won the first hole; let us be photographed together.”

Henry went to the next tee slightly ruffled and topped his ball into the road. I had kept mine well this side of it and won in four to five.

“I shan’t take any bisques here,” I said. “Two up.”

At the third tee my “Quo Vadis” darted off suddenly to the left and tried to climb the hill. I headed it off and gave it a nasty dent from behind when it wasn’t looking, and with my next shot started it rolling down the mountains with ever-increasing velocity. Not until it was within a foot of the pin did it condescend to stop. Henry, who had reached the green with his drive and had taken one putt too many, halved the hole in four. I took a bisque and was three up.

The fourth hole was prettily played by both of us, and with two bisques I had it absolutely stiff. Unnerved by this Henry went all out at the fifth and tried to carry the stream in two. Unfortunately (I mean unfortunately for him) the stream was six inches too broad in the particular place at which he tried to carry it. My own view is that he should either have chosen another place or else have got a narrower stream from somewhere. As it was I won in an uneventful six, and took with a bisque the short hole which followed.

“Six up,” I pointed out to Henry, “and three bisques left. They’re jolly little things, bisques, but you want to use them quickly. Bisque dat qui cito dat. Doesn’t the sea look ripping to-day?”

“Go on,” growled Henry.

“I once did a two at this hole,” I said as I teed my ball. “If I did a two now and took a bisque, you’d have to do it in nothing in order to win. A solemn thought.”

At this hole you have to drive over a chasm in the cliffs. My ball made a bee line for the beach, bounced on a rock, and disappeared into a cave. Henry’s “Pink Spot,” which really seemed to have a chance of winning a hole at last, found the wind too much for it and followed me below.