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The World’s Most Famous Oration
by [?]

Address to An Employer Upon Demanding a Raise, or, The Battle of Manila Envelopes


As Planned As Delivered

I think you will admit, If you are not too
sir, that the quality busy, sir, there is one
of my work during the other matter–in fact,
last two years has been the truth of the matter
such that my services in fact is exactly–well,
could not easily be replaced. sir, I was precisely
I speak more wondering whether–of
in pain than in anger course I know this is a
when I say that it has bad time–indeed I have
been a matter of profound been very pleased to see
surprise to me to business picking up a
note that you have not bit lately, and I am sure
seen fit to acknowledge my own department has
my value to the firm in been–but to tell you the
some substantial way. I truth, sir, I have been
think I may say that wondering–of course it
I have been patient. is just as you think best
I have continued my and I wouldn’t think of
efforts with unremitting insisting, but after all,
zeal, and I think I may perhaps I have made a
flatter myself that my mistake in mentioning
endeavors have not been it, but I was thinking
without result. I have that possibly you might
here, carefully tabulated, bear in mind the idea of
a memorandum of a possible future raise in
the increased profits in salary at some future time.
my department during
the last twelve months,
due in great part to my
careful management. I
am sorry to have to
force you into a decision,
but I think I owe it to
myself to say candidly
that unless you see the
matter in the same way
that I do I shall feel
obliged to deprive the
firm of my services.