FullReads

Re-enter John, bearing a tray with cakes, a decanter, etc.

Thank you, thank you, Mr. Howell! Oh, oh, dear me, not so much as that! Half a glass, and ONE biscuit, please. What elegant sherry! [sips a little, and puts down glass on tray]. Do you know, I remember in better days, Mr. Howell, when my poor dear husband–

JOHN.–Beg your pardon. There’s Milliken’s bell, going like mad. [Exit John.]

MRS. PRIOR.–What an abrupt person! Oh, but it’s comfortable, this wine is! And–and I think how my poor Charlotte would like a little–she so weak, and ordered wine by the medical man! And when dear Adolphus comes home from Christ’s Hospital, quite tired, poor boy, and hungry, wouldn’t a bit of nice cake do him good! Adolphus is so fond of plum-cake, the darling child! And so is Frederick, little saucy rogue; and I’ll give them MY piece, and keep my glass of wine for my dear delicate angel Shatty! [Takes bottle and paper out of her pocket, cuts off a great slice of cake, and pours wine from wine-glass and decanter into bottle.]

Enter PAGE.

PAGE.–Master George and Miss Bella is going to have their teas down here with Miss Prior, Mrs. Prior, and she’s up in the school-room, and my lady says you may stay to tea.

MRS. PRIOR.–Thank you, Charles! How tall you grow! Those trousers would fit my darling Frederick to a nicety. Thank you, Charles. I know the way to the nursery. [Exit Mrs. P.]

PAGE.–Know the way! I believe she DO know the way. Been a having cake and wine. Howell always gives her cake and wine–jolly cake, ain’t it! and wine, oh, my!

Re-enter John.

JOHN.–You young gormandizing cormorant! What! five meals a day ain’t enough for you! What? beer ain’t good enough for you, hey? [Pulls boy’s ears.]

PAGE [crying].–Oh, oh, do-o-n’t, Mr. Howell. I only took half a glass, upon my honor.

JOHN.–Your a-honor, you lying young vagabond! I wonder the ground don’t open and swallow you. Half a glass! [holds up decanter.] You’ve took half a bottle, you young Ananias! Mark this, sir! When I was a boy, a boy on my promotion, a child kindly took in from charity-school, a horphan in buttons like you, I never lied; no, nor never stole, and you’ve done both, you little scoundrel. Don’t tell ME, sir! there’s plums on your coat, crumbs on your cheek, and you smell sherry, sir! I ain’t time to whop you now, but come to my pantry to-night after you’ve took the tray down. Come without your jacket on, sir, and then I’ll teach you what it is to lie and steal. There’s the outer bell. Scud, you vagabond!

Enter LADY K.

LADY K.–What was that noise, pray?

JOHN.–A difference between me and young Page, my lady. I was instructing him to keep his hands from picking and stealing. I was learning him his lesson, my lady, and he was a-crying it out.

LADY K.–It seems to me you are most unkind to that boy, Howell. He is my boy, sir. He comes from my estate. I will not have him ill-used. I think you presume on your long services. I shall speak to my son-in-law about you. [“Yes, my lady; no, my lady; very good, my lady.” John has answered each sentence as she is speaking, and exit gravely bowing.] That man must quit the house. Horace says he can’t do without him, but he must do without him. My poor dear Arabella was fond of him, but he presumes on that defunct angel’s partiality. Horace says this person keeps all his accounts, sorts all his letters, manages all his affairs, may be trusted with untold gold, and rescued little George out of the fire. Now I have come to live with my son-in-law, I will keep his accounts, sort his letters, and take charge of his money: and if little Georgy gets into the grate, I will take him out of the fire. What is here? Invitation from Captain and Mrs. Hopkinson. Invitation from Sir John and Lady Tomkinson, who don’t even ask me! Monstrous! he never shall go–he shall not go! [MRS. PRIOR has re-entered, she drops a very low curtsy to Lady K., as the latter, perceiving her, lays the cards down.]