FullReads

TOUCHIT.–What? didn’t he kiss YOU? Oh, the hard-hearted old ogre!

MILLIKEN.–DON’T, Touchit! Don’t laugh at Mr. Bonnington! he is as good a fellow as ever breathed. Between you and me, as my half brothers and sisters increased and multiplied year after year, I used to feel rather lonely, rather bowled out, you understand. But I saw them so happy that I longed to have a home of my own. When my mother proposed Arabella for me (for she and Lady Kicklebury were immense friends at one time), I was glad enough to give up clubs and bachelorhood, and to settle down as a married man. My mother acted for the best. My poor wife’s character, my mother used to say, changed after marriage. I was not as happy as I hoped to be; but I tried for it. George, I am not so comfortable now as I might be. A house without a mistress, with two mothers-in-law reigning over it–one worldly and aristocratic, another what you call serious, though she don’t mind a rubber of whist: I give you my honor my mother plays a game at whist, and an uncommonly good game too–each woman dragging over a child to her side: of course such a family cannot be comfortable. [Bell rings.] There’s the first dinner-bell. Go and dress, for heaven’s sake.

TOUCHIT.–Why dress? There is no company!

MILLIKEN.–Why? ah! her ladyship likes it, you see. And it costs nothing to humor her. Quick, for she don’t like to be kept waiting.

TOUCHIT.–Horace Milliken! what a pity it is the law declares a widower shall not marry his wife’s mother! She would marry you else,–she would, on my word.

Enter JOHN.

JOHN.–I have took the Captain’s things in the blue room, sir. [Exeunt gentlemen, JOHN arranges tables, etc.]

Ha! Mrs. Prior! I ain’t partial to Mrs. Prior. I think she’s an artful old dodger, Mrs. Prior. I think there’s mystery in her unfathomable pockets, and schemes in the folds of her umbrella. But–but she’s Julia’s mother, and for the beloved one’s sake I am civil to her.

MRS. PRIOR.–Thank you Charles [to the Page, who has been seen to let her in at the garden-gate], I am so much obliged to you! Good afternoon, Mr. Howell. Is my daughter–are the darling children well? Oh, I am quite tired and weary! Three horrid omnibuses were full, and I have had to walk the whole weary long way. Ah, times are changed with me, Mr. Howell. Once when I was young and strong, I had my husband’s carriage to ride in.

JOHN [aside].–His carriage! his coal-wagon! I know well enough who old Prior was. A merchant? yes, a pretty merchant! kep’ a lodging-house, share in a barge, touting for orders, and at last a snug little place in the Gazette.

MRS. PRIOR.–How is your cough, Mr. Howell? I have brought you some lozenges for it [takes numberless articles from her pocket], and if you would take them of a night and morning–oh, indeed, you would get better! The late Sir Henry Halford recommended them to Mr. Prior. He was his late Majesty’s physician and ours. You know we have seen happier times, Mr. Howell. Oh, I am quite tired and faint.

JOHN.–Will you take anything before the school-room tea, ma’am? You will stop to tea, I hope, with Miss Prior, and our young folks?

MRS. PRIOR.–Thank you: a little glass of wine when one is so faint–a little crumb of biscuit when one is so old and tired! I have not been accustomed to want, you know; and in my poor dear Mr. Prior’s time–

JOHN.–I’ll fetch some wine, ma’am. [Exit to the dining-room.]

MRS. PRIOR.–Bless the man, how abrupt he is in his manner! He quite shocks a poor lady who has been used to better days. What’s here? Invitations–ho! Bills for Lady Kicklebury! THEY are not paid. Where is Mr. M. going to dine, I wonder? Captain and Mrs. Hopkinson, Sir John and Lady Tomkinson, request the pleasure. Request the pleasure! Of course they do. They are always asking Mr. M. to dinner. They have daughters to marry, and Mr. M. is a widower with three thousand a year, every shilling of it. I must tell Lady Kicklebury. He must never go to these places–never, never–mustn’t be allowed. [While talking, she opens all the letters on the table, rummages the portfolio and writing-box, looks at cards on mantelpiece, work in work-basket, tries tea-box, and shows the greatest activity and curiosity.]