FullReads

THE MANAGER.Can I take any order? Some tea?

THE PRINCESS.Oh, thank you. Yes: I should like some tea, if I might–if it would not be too much trouble.

[He goes out. The telephone rings. The Princess starts out of her chair, terrified, and recoils as far as possible from the instrument.]

THE PRINCESS.Oh dear! [It rings again. She looks scared. It rings again. She approaches it timidly. It rings again. She retreats hastily. It rings repeatedly. She runs to it in desperation and puts the receiver to her ear.] Who is there? What do I do? I am not used to the telephone: I don’t know how–What! Oh, I can hear you speaking quite distinctly. [She sits down, delighted, and settles herself for a conversation.] How wonderful! What! A lady? Oh! a person. Oh, yes: I know. Yes, please, send her up. Have my servants finished their lunch yet? Oh no: please don’t disturb them: I’d rather not. It doesn’t matter. Thank you. What? Oh yes, it’s quite easy. I had no idea–am I to hang it up just as it was? Thank you. [She hangs it up.]

[Ermyntrude enters, presenting a plain and staid appearance in a long straight waterproof with a hood over her head gear. She comes to the end of the table opposite to that at which the Princess is seated.]

THE PRINCESS.Excuse me. I have been talking through the telephone: and I heard quite well, though I have never ventured before. Won’t you sit down?

ERMYNTRUDE.No, thank you, Your Highness. I am only a lady’s maid. I understood you wanted one.

THE PRINCESS.Oh no: you mustn’t think I want one. It’s so unpatriotic to want anything now, on account of the war, you know. I sent my maid away as a public duty; and now she has married a soldier and is expecting a war baby. But I don’t know how to do without her. I’ve tried my very best; but somehow it doesn’t answer: everybody cheats me; and in the end it isn’t any saving. So I’ve made up my mind to sell my piano and have a maid. That will be a real saving, because I really don’t care a bit for music, though of course one has to pretend to. Don’t you think so?

ERMYNTRUDE.Certainly I do, Your Highness. Nothing could be more correct. Saving and self-denial both at once; and an act of kindness to me, as I am out of place.

THE PRINCESS.I’m so glad you see it in that way. Er–you won’t mind my asking, will you?–how did you lose your place?

ERMYNTRUDE.The war, Your Highness, the war.

THE PRINCESS.Oh yes, of course. But how–

ERMYNTRUDE[taking out her handkerchief and showing signs of grief]. My poor mistress–

THE PRINCESS.Oh please say no more. Don’t think about it. So tactless of me to mention it.

ERMYNTRUDE[mastering her emotion and smiling through her tears]. Your Highness is too good.

THE PRINCESS.Do you think you could be happy with me? I attach such importance to that.

ERMYNTRUDE[gushing]. Oh, I know–I shall.

THE PRINCESS.You must not expect too much. There is my uncle. He is very severe and hasty; and he is my guardian. I once had a maid I liked very much; but he sent her away the very first time.

ERMYNTRUDE.The first time of what, Your Highness?

THE PRINCESS.Oh, something she did. I am sure she had never done it before; and I know she would never have done it again, she was so truly contrite and nice about it.

ERMYNTRUDE.About what, Your Highness?

THE PRINCESS.Well, she wore my jewels and one of my dresses at a rather improper ball with her young man; and my uncle saw her.