FullReads

VAL

. To the old man Gorgibus, to see his daughter who is ill; but you are a blockhead who, instead of doing what we want, might …

SGAN

. Ah! sir, don’t be anxious; I’ll answer for it that I can kill anybody as well as any doctor in the town. The proverb usually is, “after death comes the doctor,” but you will see that if I have anything to do with it, it will be, “after the doctor comes death!” But now, while I think of it, it must be difficult to play the doctor; and if I do nothing right…?

VAL

. There will be nothing difficult to do in this case. Gorgibus is a simpleton, a boor, who will readily believe everything you say, provided you speak to him of Hippocrates, of Galen, and that you have brass enough.

SGAN

. You mean that I shall have to speak of philosophy and mathematics. Leave that to me; if he is a man as easily deceived as you say, I answer for everything. You have only to find me a doctor’s gown, tell me what you expect from me, and give me my diploma, that is, my ten pistoles. (Exeunt VALERE and SGANARELLE.)

SCENE III

.–GORGIBUS, GROS-RENE.

GOR

. Go quickly and fetch the doctor for my daughter who is very ill; make haste!

GR.-RE

. Why the deuce do you think of giving your daughter in marriage to an old man? Don’t you see that it is the longing she has for a young one that makes her ill? See the attraction there is, etc.[1]

FOOTNOTE:
[1] The actor seems in this place to have been
left to add any nonsense that came into his head.
The MS. has “… etc. (galimatias).”

GOR

. Go quickly! I am greatly afraid that the wedding will have to be put off on account of this illness.

GR.-RE

. That is what vexes me, for I was looking forward to a good round bellyfull, and now I have to do without it.[2] Yes, yes, I’ll go to fetch the doctor, but it is as much for my own sake as for your daughter’s. I am dreadfully disappointed. (Exit Gros-Rene.)

FOOTNOTE: [2] Compare ‘Le Depit Amoureux,’ Act i. So. i.

SCENE IV

.–SABINE, GORGIBUS, SGANARELLE (as doctor).

SAB

. I am glad to meet you, uncle, to tell you of a good piece of news: I bring the cleverest doctor in the world, a man who comes from foreign lands, who knows the most important secrets, and who will no doubt cure my cousin. He was fortunately shown to me, and I bring him to you. He is so clever, that I heartily wish I were ill, so that he might cure me.

GOR

. Where is he?

SAB

. Close at hand; here he is.

GOR

. Doctor, I am your very humble servant. I sent for you, to come and see my daughter who is ill; I put all my hopes in you.

SGAN

. Hippocrates says, and Galen too, with strong reasoning argues, that a person does not feel well when he is ill. You are right to put all your hopes in me, for I am the greatest, the cleverest, the wisest doctor in the vegetable, animal, and mineral faculty.

GOR

. I am delighted to hear it.

SGAN

. Do not imagine that I am an ordinary doctor, a common doctor. All other doctors compared to me are abortions. I possess wonderful talents; I am master of many secrets. Salamalec, salamalec. “Hast thou courage, Rodrigo?”[3] Signor, si; signor, non. Per omnia saecula saeculorum. Still, let us see a little. (Feels GORGIBUS’S pulse.)