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CRIQUET places all the chairs on one side of the stage. The COUNTESS, JULIA, and the VISCOUNT sit down, and MR. THIBAUDIER sits down at the COUNTESS’S feet.

VISC

. It is important for you to observe that this comedy was made only to unite the different pieces of music and dancing which compose the entertainment, and that …

COUN

. Ah! never mind, let us see it; we have enough good sense to understand things.

VISC

. Begin then at once, and see that no troublesome intruder comes to disturb our pleasure.

(The violins begin an overture.)

SCENE XXI

.–THE COUNTESS, JULIA, THE VISCOUNT, THE COUNT, MR. HARPIN, MR. THIBAUDIER, MR. BOBINET, CRIQUET.

HAR

. By George! This is fine, and I rejoice to see what I see.

COUN

. How! Mr. Receiver, what do you mean by this behaviour? Is it right to come and interrupt a comedy in that fashion?

HAR

. By Jove, Madam, I am delighted at this adventure, and it shows me what I ought to think of you, and what I ought to believe of the assurances you gave me of the gift of your heart, and likewise of all your oaths of fidelity.

COUN

. But, really, one should not come thus in the middle of a play and disturb an actor who is speaking.

HAR

. Hah! zounds, the real comedy here is the one you are playing, and I care little if I disturb you.

COUN

. Really, you do not know what you are saying.

HAR

. Yes, d—- it, I know perfectly well; and …

[MR. BOBINET, frightened, takes up the COUNT, and runs away; CRIQUET follows him.]

COUN

. Fie, Sir! How wrong it is to swear in that fashion!

HAR

. Ah! ‘sdeath! If there is anything bad here, it is not my swearing, but your actions; and it would be much better for you to swear by heaven and hell than to do what you do with the viscount.

VISC

. I don’t know, Sir, of what you have to complain; and if …

HAR

. (to the VISCOUNT). I have nothing to say to you, Sir; you do right to push your fortune; that is quite natural; I see nothing strange in it, and I beg your pardon for interrupting your play. But neither can you find it strange that I complain of her proceedings; and we both have a right to do what we are doing.

VISC

. I have nothing to say to that, and I do not know what cause of complaint you can have against her ladyship the Countess of Escarbagnas.

COUN

. When one suffers from jealousy, one does not give way to such outbursts, but one comes peaceably to complain to the person beloved.

HAR

. I complain peaceably!

COUN

. Yes; one does not come and shout on the stage what should be said in private.

HAR

. I came purposely to complain on the stage. ‘Sdeath! it is the place that suits me best, and I should be glad if this were a real theatre so that I might expose you more publicly.

COUN

. Is there need for such an uproar because the viscount gives a play in my honour? Just look at Mr. Thibaudier, who loves me; he acts more respectfully than you do.

HAR

. Mr. Thibaudier does as he pleases; I don’t know how far Mr. Thibaudier has got with you, but Mr. Thibaudier is no example for me. I don’t like to pay the piper for other people to dance.