FullReads

JAMES
. Yes, yes, but you make too much of this war. All you young boys seem to think you’ve come back from France to teach us our business. You’ll find that it is you who’ll have to learn, not we.

PHILIP
. I’m quite prepared to learn; in fact, I want to.

JAMES
. Excellent. Then we can consider that settled.

PHILIP
. Well, we haven’t settled yet what business I’m going to learn.

JAMES
. I don’t think that’s very difficult. I propose to take you into my business. You’ll start at the bottom of course, but it will be a splendid opening for you.

PHILIP
(thoughtfully). I see. So you’ve decided it for me? The jam business.

JAMES
(sharply). Is there anything to be ashamed of in that?

PHILIP
. Oh no, nothing at all. Only it doesn’t happen to appeal to me.

JAMES
. If you knew which side your bread was buttered, it would appeal to you very considerably.

PHILIP
. I’m afraid I can’t see the butter for the jam.

JAMES
. I don’t want any silly jokes of that sort. You were glad enough to get it out there, I’ve no doubt.

PHILIP
. Oh yes. Perhaps that’s why I’m so sick of it now…. No, it’s no good, Uncle James; you must think of something else.

JAMES
(with a sneer). Perhaps you’ve thought of something else?

PHILIP
. Well, I had some idea of being an architect–

JAMES
. You propose to start learning to be an architect at twenty-three?

PHILIP
(smiling). Well, I couldn’t start before, could I?

JAMES
. Exactly. And now you’ll find it’s too late.

PHILIP
. Is it? Aren’t there going to be any more architects, or doctors, or solicitors, or barristers? Because we’ve all lost four years of our lives, are all the professions going to die out?

JAMES
. And how old do you suppose you’ll be before you’re earning money as an architect?

PHILIP
. The usual time, whatever that may be. If I’m four years behind, so is everybody else.

JAMES
. Well, I think it’s high time you began to earn a living at once.

PHILIP
. Look here, Uncle James, do you really think that you can treat me like a boy who’s just left school? Do you think four years at the front have made no difference at all?

JAMES
. If there had been any difference, I should have expected it to take the form of an increased readiness in obey orders and recognize authority.

PHILIP
(regretfully). You are evidently determined to have a row. Perhaps I had better tell you once and for all that I refuse to go into the turnip and vegetable narrow business.

JAMES
(thumping the table angrily). And perhaps I’d better tell you, sir, once and for all, that I don’t propose to allow rude rudeness from an impertinent young puppy.

PHILIP
(reminiscently). I remember annoying our Brigadier once. He was covered with red, had a very red face, about twenty medals, and a cold blue eye. He told me how angry he was for about five minutes while I stood to attention. I’m afraid you aren’t nearly impressive, Uncle James.

JAMES
(rather upset). Oh! (Recovering himself) Fortunately I have other means of impressing you. The power of the purse goes a long way in this world. I propose to use it.

PHILIP
. I see…. Yes… that’s rather awkward, isn’t it?

JAMES
(pleasantly). I think you’ll find it very awkward.

PHILIP
(thoughtfully). Yes.