FullReads

What do you want?

MERCHUTKINA.
I’m a weak, defenceless woman…. I may look all right, but if you were to take me to pieces you wouldn’t find a single healthy bit in me! I can hardly stand on my legs, and I’ve lost my appetite. I drank my coffee to-day and got no pleasure out of it.

KHIRIN.
I ask you, what do you want?

MERCHUTKINA.
Tell them, my dear, to give me 15 roubles, and a month later will do for the rest.

KHIRIN.
But haven’t you been told perfectly plainly that this is a bank!

MERCHUTKINA.
Yes, yes…. And if you like I can show you the doctor’s certificate.

KHIRIN
. Have you got a head on your shoulders, or what?

MERCHUTKINA.
My dear, I’m asking for what’s mine by law. I don’t want what isn’t mine.

KHIRIN.
I ask you, madam, have you got a head on your shoulders, or what? Well, devil take me, I haven’t any time to talk to you! I’m busy….

[Points to the door]
That way, please!

MERCHUTKINA.
[Surprised]

And where’s the money?

KHIRIN.
You haven’t a head, but this

[Taps the table and then points to his forehead.]

MERCHUTKINA.
[Offended]

What? Well, never mind, never mind…. You can do that to your own wife, but I’m the wife of a civil servant…. You can’t do that to me!

KHIRIN.
[Losing his temper]

Get out of this!

MERCHUTKINA.
No, no, no… none of that!

KHIRIN.
If you don’t get out this second, I’ll call for the hall-porter! Get out!

[Stamping.]

MERCHUTKINA.
Never mind, never mind! I’m not afraid! I’ve seen the like of you before! Miser!

KHIRIN.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more awful woman in my life…. Ouf! It’s given me a headache….

[Breathing heavily]
I tell you once more… do you hear me? If you don’t get out of this, you old devil, I’ll grind you into powder! I’ve got such a character that I’m perfectly capable of laming you for life! I can commit a crime!

MERCHUTKINA.
I’ve heard barking dogs before. I’m not afraid. I’ve seen the like of you before.

KHIRIN.
[In despair]

I can’t stand it! I’m ill! I can’t!

[Sits down at his desk]
They’ve let the Bank get filled with women, and I can’t finish my report! I can’t.

MERCHUTKINA.
I don’t want anybody else’s money, but my own, according to law. You ought to be ashamed of yourself! Sitting in a government office in felt boots….

[Enter SHIPUCHIN and TATIANA ALEXEYEVNA.]

TATIANA ALEXEYEVNA.
[Following her husband]

We spent the evening at the Berezhnitskys. Katya was wearing a sky-blue frock of foulard silk, cut low at the neck…. She looks very well with her hair done over her head, and I did her hair myself…. She was perfectly fascinating….

SHIPUCHIN.
[Who has had enough of it already]

Yes, yes… fascinating…. They may be here any moment….

MERCHUTKINA.
Your excellency!

SHIPUCHIN.
[Dully]

What else? What do you want?

MERCHUTKINA.
Your excellency! [Points to KHIRIN] This man… this man tapped the table with his finger, and then his head…. You told him to look after my affair, but he insults me and says all sorts of things. I’m a weak, defenceless woman….

SHIPUCHIN.
All right, madam, I’ll see to it… and take the necessary steps…. Go away now… later on!

[Aside]
My gout’s coming on!