FullReads

TATIANA ALEXEYEVNA.
What does that matter? You listen when a lady is talking to you! Why are you so angry to-day? Are you in love? [Laughs.]

SHIPUCHIN.
[To MERCHUTKINA]

Excuse me, but what is this? I can’t make head or tail of it.

TATIANA ALEXEYEVNA.
Are you in love? Aha! You’re blushing!

SHIPUCHIN.
[To his wife]
Tanya, dear, do go out into the public office for a moment. I shan’t be long.

TATIANA ALEXEYEVNA.
All right.

[Goes out.]

SHIPUCHIN.
I don’t understand anything of this. You’ve obviously come to the wrong place, madam. Your petition doesn’t concern us at all. You should go to the department in which your husband was employed.

MERCHUTKINA.
I’ve been there a good many times these five months, and they wouldn’t even look at my petition. I’d given up all hopes, but, thanks to my son-in-law, Boris Matveyitch, I thought of coming to you. “You go, mother,” he says, “and apply to Mr. Shipuchin, he’s an influential man and can do anything.” Help me, your excellency!

SHIPUCHIN.
We can’t do anything for you, Mrs. Merchutkina. You must understand that your husband, so far as I can gather, was in the employ of the Army Medical Department, while this is a private, commercial concern, a bank. Don’t you understand that?

MERCHUTKINA.
Your excellency, I can produce a doctor’s certificate of my husband’s illness. Here it is, just look at it….

SHIPUCHIN.
[Irritated]

That’s all right; I quite believe you, but it’s not our business. [Behind the scene, TATIANA ALEXEYEVNA’S laughter is heard, then a man’s. SHIPUCHIN glances at the door] She’s disturbing the employees.

[To MERCHUTKINA]
It’s strange and it’s even silly. Surely your husband knows where you ought to apply?

MERCHUTKINA.
Your excellency, I don’t let him know anything. He just cried out: “It isn’t your business! Get out of this!” And…

SHIPUCHIN.
Madam, I repeat, your husband was in the employ of the Army Medical Department, and this is a bank, a private, commercial concern.

MERCHUTKINA.
Yes, yes, yes…. I understand, my dear. In that case, your excellency, just order them to pay me 15 roubles! I don’t mind taking that to be going on with.

SHIPUCHIN.
[Sighs]

Ouf!

KHIRIN.
Andrey Andreyevitch, I’ll never finish the report at this rate!

SHIPUCHIN.
One moment.

[To MERCHUTKINA]
I can’t get any sense out of you. But do understand that your taking this business here is as absurd as if you took a divorce petition to a chemist’s or into a gold assay office.

[Knock at the door. The voice of TATIANA ALEXEYEVNA is heard, “Can I come in, Andrey?” SHIPUCHIN shouts]
Just wait one minute, dear!

[To MERCHUTKINA]
What has it got to do with us if you haven’t been paid? As it happens, madam, this is an anniversary to-day, we’re busy… and somebody may be coming here at any moment…. Excuse me….

MERCHUTKINA.
Your excellency, have pity on me, an orphan! I’m a weak, defenceless woman…. I’m tired to death…. I’m having trouble with my lodgers, and on account of my husband, and I’ve got the house to look after, and my son-in-law is out of work….

SHIPUCHIN.
Mrs. Merchutkina, I… No, excuse me, I can’t talk to you! My head’s even in a whirl…. You are disturbing us and making us waste our time.

[Sighs, aside]
What a business, as my name’s Shipuchin!

[To KHIRIN]
Kusma Nicolaievitch, will you please explain to Mrs. Merchutkina.

[Waves his hand and goes out into public department.]

KHIRIN.
[Approaching MERCHUTKINA, angrily]