PAGE 6
Sweet-And-Twenty: A Comedy
by
HE.
( hesitantly )
Why did you put in Socialism, along with insanity and T. B.?
SHE.
Oh, just for fun. You aren’t a Socialist, are you?
HE.
Yes.
( Earnestly )
Do you know what Socialism is?
SHE.
( innocently )
It’s the same thing as Anarchy, isn’t it?
HE.
( gently )
No. At least not my kind. I believe in municipal
ownership of street cars, and all that sort of thing.
I’ll give you some books to read.
SHE.
Well, I never ride in street cars,
so I don’t care whether they’re municipally owned or not.
By the way, do you dance?
HE.
No.
SHE.
You must learn right away. I can’t bother to teach you myself, but I know where you can get private lessons and become really good in a month. It is stupid not to be able to dance.
HE.
( as if he had tasted quinine )
I can see myself doing the tango! Grr!
SHE.
The tango went out long ago, my dear.
HE.
( with great decision )
Well–I won’t learn to dance.
You might as well know that to begin with.
SHE.
And I won’t read your old books on Socialism.
You might as well know that to begin with!
HE.
Come, come! This will never do. You see, my dear,
it’s simply that I can’t dance,
and there’s no use for me to try to learn.
SHE.
Anybody can learn.
I’ve made expert dancers out of the awkwardest men!
HE.
But, you see, I’ve no inclination toward dancing. It’s out of my world.
SHE.
And I’ve no inclination toward municipal ownership.
It’s out of my world!
HE.
It ought not to be out of the world of any intelligent person.
SHE.
( turning her back on him )
All right–if you want to call me stupid!
HE.
( turning and looking away meditatively )
It appears that we have very few tastes in common.
SHE.
( tapping her foot )
So it seems.
HE.
If we married we might be happy for a month–
SHE.
Perhaps.
They remain with their backs to each other.
HE.
And then–the old story. Quarrels. . . .
SHE.
I never could bear quarrels. . . .
HE.
An unhappy marriage. . . .
SHE.
( realizing it )
Oh!
HE.
( hopelessly turning toward her )
I can’t marry you.
SHE.
( recovering quickly and facing him with a smile )
Nobody asked you, sir!
HE.
( with a gesture of finality )
Well–there seems to be no more to say.
SHE.
( sweetly )
Except good-bye.
HE.
( firmly )
Good-by, then.
He holds out his hand.
SHE.
( taking it )
Good-bye!
HE.
( taking her other hand–after a pause, helplessly )