PAGE 5
Sweet-And-Twenty: A Comedy
by
HE.
It’s the same thing. You thought I was married.
SHE.
But you aren’t.
HE.
No. I’m not married. And–and– you’re not married.
( The logic of the situation striking him all of a sudden )
In fact–!
He pauses, rather alarmed.
SHE.
Yes?
HE.
In fact–well–there’s no reason in the world why we
shouldn’t make love to each other!
SHE.
( equally startled )
Why–that’s so!
HE.
Then–then–shall we?
SHE.
( sitting down and looking demurely at her toes )
Oh, not if you don’t want to!
HE.
( adjusting himself to the situation )
Well–under the circumstances
–I suppose I ought to begin by asking you to marry me. .
SHE.
( languidly, with a provoking glance )
You don’t seem very anxious to.
HE.
( feeling at a disadvantage )
It isn’t that–but–well–
SHE.
( lightly )
Well what?
HE.
Dash it all, I don’t know your name!
SHE.
( looking at him with mild curiosity )
That didn’t seem to stop you a while ago….
HE.
( doggedly )
Well, then–will you marry me?
SHE.
( promptly )
No.
HE.
( surprised )
No! Why do you say that?
SHE.
( coolly )
Why should I marry you? I know nothing about you.
I’ve known you for less than an hour.
HE.
( sardonically )
That fact didn’t seem to keep you from kissing me.
SHE.
Besides–I don’t like the way you go about it.
If you’d propose the same way you made love to me, maybe I’d accept you.
HE.
All right.
( Dropping on one knee before her )
Beloved!
( An awkward pause )
No, I can’t do it.
( He gets up and distractedly dusts
off his knees with his handkerchief.)
I’m very sorry.
SHE.
( with calm inquiry )
Perhaps it’s because you don’t love me any more?
HE.
( fretfully )
Of course I love you!
SHE.
( coldly )
But you don’t want to marry me…. I see.
HE.
Not at all! I do want to marry you. But–
SHE.
Well?
HE.
Marriage is a serious matter.
Now don’t take offense! I only meant that-well–
( He starts again.)
We are in love with each other, and that’s the important thing. But, as you said, we don’t know each other. I’ve no doubt that when we get acquainted we will like each other better still. But we’ve got to get acquainted first.
SHE.
( rising )
You’re just like Tubby buying a house. You want to know
all about it. Well! I warn you that you’ll never know
all about me. So you needn’t try.
HE.
( apologetically )
It was your suggestion.
SHE.
( impatiently )
Oh, all right! Go ahead and cross-examine me if you like. I’ll tell you to begin with that I’m perfectly healthy, and that there’s no T. B., insanity, or Socialism in my family. What else do you want to know?