FullReads

JULIA.
Put away the boots.

JEAN.
No, it’s my work, which I am bound to do. But I have not undertaken to be your playmate. It’s something I can never become— I hold myself too good for it.

JULIA.
You’re proud!

JEAN.
In some ways, and not in others.

JULIA.
Have you ever been in love?

JEAN.
We don’t use that word. But I have been fond of a lot of girls, and once I was taken sick because I couldn’t have the one I wanted: sick, you know, like those princes in the Arabian Nights who cannot eat or drink for sheer love.

JULIA.
Who was it?

[JEAN remains silent.]

JULIA.
Who was it?

JEAN.
You cannot make me tell you.

JULIA.
If I ask you as an equal, ask you as–a friend: who was it?

JEAN.
It was you.

JULIA.
[Sits down]

How funny!

JEAN.
Yes, as you say–it was ludicrous. That was the story, you see, which I didn’t want to tell you a while ago. But now I am going to tell it. Do you know how the world looks from below–no, you don’t. No more than do hawks and falcons, of whom we never see the back because they are always floating about high up in the sky. I lived in the cotter’s hovel, together with seven other children, and a pig–out there on the grey plain, where there isn’t a single tree. But from our windows I could see the wall around the count’s park, and apple-trees above it. That was the Garden of Eden, and many fierce angels were guarding it with flaming swords. Nevertheless I and some other boys found our way to the Tree of Life–now you despise me?

JULIA.
Oh, stealing apples is something all boys do.

JEAN.
You may say so now, but you despise me nevertheless. However— once I got into the Garden of Eden with my mother to weed the onion beds. Near by stood a Turkish pavillion, shaded by trees and covered with honeysuckle. I didn’t know what it was used for, but I had never seen a more beautiful building. People went in and came out again, and one day the door was left wide open. I stole up and saw the walls covered with pictures of kings and emperors, and the windows were hung with red, fringed curtains–now you know what I mean. I–

[breaks off a lilac sprig and holds it under MISS JULIA’s nose]–
I had never been inside the manor, and I had never seen anything but the church–and this was much finer. No matter where my thoughts ran, they returned always–to that place. And gradually a longing arose within me to taste the full pleasure of–enfin! I sneaked in, looked and admired. Then I heard somebody coming. There was only one way out for fine people, but for me there was another, and I could do nothing else but choose it.

[JULIA, who has taken the lilac sprig, lets it drop on the table.]

JEAN.
Then I started to run, plunged through a hedge of raspberry bushes, chased right across a strawberry plantation, and came out on the terrace where the roses grow. There I caught sight of a pink dress and pair of white stockings–that was you! I crawled under a pile of weeds–right into it, you know–into stinging thistles and wet, ill-smelling dirt. And I saw you walking among the roses, and I thought: if it be possible for a robber to get into heaven and dwell with the angels, then it is strange that a cotter’s child, here on God’s own earth, cannot get into the park and play with the count’s daughter.