FullReads

TARLETON.What did you do?

THE MAN. I did a cheap trip to Folkestone. I spent sevenpence on dropping pennies into silly automatic machines and peepshows of rowdy girls having a jolly time. I spent a penny on the lift and fourpence on refreshments. That cleaned me out. The rest of the time I was so miserable that I was glad to get back to the office. Now you know.

LINA. Come to the gymnasium: I’ll teach you how to make a man of yourself. [The man is about to rise irresolutely, from the mere habit of doing what he is told, when Tarleton stops him].

TARLETON.Young man: dont. Youve tried to shoot me; but I’m not vindictive. I draw the line at putting a man on the rack. If you want every joint in your body stretched until it’s an agony to live–until you have an unnatural feeling that all your muscles are singing and laughing with pain–then go to the gymnasium with that lady. But youll be more comfortable in jail.

LINA. [greatly amused] Was that why you went away, old pal? Was that the telegram you said you had forgotten to send?

[Mrs Tarleton comes in hastily through the inner door.]

MRS TARLETON. [on the steps] Is anything the matter, John? Nurse says she heard you calling me a quarter of an hour ago; and that your voice sounded as if you were ill. [She comes between Tarleton and the man.] Is anything the matter?

TARLETON.This is the son of an old friend of mine. Mr–er–Mr Gunner. [To the man, who rises awkwardly]. My wife.

MRS TARLETON. Good evening to you.

GUNNER. Er– [He is too nervous to speak, and makes a shambling bow].

[Bentley looks in at the pavilion door, very peevish, and too preoccupied with his own affairs to pay any attention to those of the company.]

BENTLEY. I say: has anybody seen Hypatia? She promised to come out with me; and I cant find her anywhere. And wheres Joey?

GUNNER. [suddenly breaking out aggressively, being incapable of any middle way between submissiveness and violence] I can tell you where Hypatia is. I can tell you where Joey is. And I say it’s a scandal and an infamy. If people only knew what goes on in this so-called respectable house it would be put a stop to. These are the morals of our pious capitalist class! This is your rotten bourgeoisie! This!–

MRS TARLETON. Dont you dare use such language in company. I wont allow it.

TARLETON.All right, Chickabiddy: it’s not bad language: it’s only Socialism.

MRS TARLETON. Well, I wont have any Socialism in my house.

TARLETON.[to Gunner] You hear what Mrs Tarleton says. Well, in this house everybody does what she says or out they go.

GUNNER. Do you suppose I want to stay? Do you think I would breathe this polluted atmosphere a moment longer than I could help?

BENTLEY. [running forward between Lina and Gunner] But what did you mean by what you said about Miss Tarleton and Mr Percival, you beastly rotter, you?

GUNNER. [to Tarleton] Oh! is Hypatia your daughter? And Joey is Mister Percival, is he? One of your set, I suppose. One of the smart set! One of the bridge-playing, eighty-horse-power, week-ender set! One of the johnnies I slave for! Well, Joey has more decency than your daughter, anyhow. The women are the worst. I never believed it til I saw it with my own eyes. Well, it wont last for ever. The writing is on the wall. Rome fell. Babylon fell. Hindhead’s turn will come.