FullReads

TARLETON.No: dont you trouble, Chickabiddy: I’ll tackle em.

MRS TARLETON. Indeed youll do nothing of the kind: youll stay here quietly with Lord Summerhays. Youd invite them all to dinner. Come, Bunny. [She goes out, followed by Bentley. Lord Summerhays sits down again].

TARLETON.Singularly beautiful woman Summerhays. What do you make of her? She must be a princess. Whats this family of warriors and statesmen that risk their lives every day?

LORD SUMMERHAYS. They are evidently not warriors and statesmen, or they wouldnt do that.

TARLETON.Well, then, who the devil are they?

LORD SUMMERHAYS. I think I know. The last time I saw that lady, she did something I should not have thought possible.

TARLETON.What was that?

LORD SUMMERHAYS. Well, she walked backwards along a taut wire without a balancing pole and turned a somersault in the middle. I remember that her name was Lina, and that the other name was foreign; though I dont recollect it.

TARLETON.Szcz! You couldnt have forgotten that if youd heard it.

LORD SUMMERHAYS. I didnt hear it: I only saw it on a program. But it’s clear shes an acrobat. It explains how she saved Percival. And it accounts for her family pride.

TARLETON.An acrobat, eh? Good, good, good! Summerhays: that brings her within reach. Thats better than a princess. I steeled this evergreen heart of mine when I thought she was a princess. Now I shall let it be touched. She is accessible. Good.

LORD SUMMERHAYS. I hope you are not serious. Remember: you have a family. You have a position. You are not in your first youth.

TARLETON.No matter.

Theres magic in the night
When the heart is young.

My heart is young. Besides, I’m a married man, not a widower like you. A married man can do anything he likes if his wife dont mind. A widower cant be too careful. Not that I would have you think me an unprincipled man or a bad husband. I’m not. But Ive a superabundance of vitality. Read Pepys’ Diary.

LORD SUMMERHAYS. The woman is your guest, Tarleton.

TARLETON.Well, is she? A woman I bring into my house is my guest. A woman you bring into my house is my guest. But a woman who drops bang down out of the sky into my greenhouse and smashes every blessed pane of glass in it must take her chance.

LORD SUMMERHAYS. Still, you know that my name must not be associated with any scandal. Youll be careful, wont you?

TARLETON.Oh Lord, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I was only joking, of course.

[Mrs Tarleton comes back through the inner door.]

MRS TARLETON. Well I never! John: I dont think that young woman’s right in her head. Do you know what shes just asked for?

TARLETON.Champagne?

MRS TARLETON. No. She wants a Bible and six oranges.

TARLETON.What?

MRS TARLETON. A Bible and six oranges.

TARLETON.I understand the oranges: shes doing an orange cure of some sort. But what on earth does she want the Bible for?

MRS TARLETON. I’m sure I cant imagine. She cant be right in her head.

LORD SUMMERHAYS. Perhaps she wants to read it.