FullReads

Campbell:“I shall be, in about half a minute.”

Mrs. Curwen:“Indeed you shall not! You shall be driving–with me. I’ve a vacancy in the coupe, and I’ll set you down wherever you like.”

Campbell:“Won’t it crowd you?”

Mrs. Curwen:“Not at all.”

Campbell:“Or incommode you in any way?”

Mrs. Curwen:“It will oblige me in every way.”

Campbell:“Then I will go, and a thousand thanks. Good-by again, Mrs. Somers.”

Mrs. Curwen:“Good-by, Mrs. Somers. Poor Mrs. Somers! It seems too bad to leave you here alone, bowed in an elegiac attitude over your tea-urn.”

Mrs. Somers:“Oh, not at all! Remember me to Mr. Curwen.”

Mrs. Curwen:“I will. Well, Mr. Campbell–“

Mrs. Somers:“Mr. Campbell–“

Campbell:“Well?”

Mrs. Curwen:“To which?”

Campbell:“Both.”

Mrs. Somers:“Neither!”

Mrs. Curwen:“Ah! ha, ha, ha! Mr. Campbell, do you know much about women?”

Campbell:“I had a mother.”

Mrs. Curwen:“Oh, a mother won’t do.”

Campbell:“Well, I have an only sister who is a woman.”

Mrs. Curwen:“A sister won’t do, either–not your own. You can’t learn a woman’s meaning in that way.”

Campbell:“I will sit at your feet, Mrs. Curwen, if you’ll instruct me.”

Mrs. Curwen:“I shall be delighted. I’ll begin now. Oh, you needn’t really prostrate yourself!” She stops him in a burlesque attempt to do so. “And I’ll concentrate the wisdom of the whole first lesson in a single word.”

Campbell, with clasped hands of entreaty: “Speak, blessed ghost!”

Mrs. Curwen:“Stay! Ah! ha, ha, ha!” She flies at Mrs. Somers and kisses her. “You can’t say I’m ill-natured, my dear, whatever I am!”

Mrs. Somers, pursuing her exit with the word: “No, merely atrocious.” A pause ensues, in which Campbell stands irresolute.

X

[MRS. SOMERS; MR. CAMPBELL]

Campbell, finally: “Did you wish me to stay, Amy?”

Mrs. Somers:, airily: “I? Oh no! It was Mrs. Curwen.”

Campbell:“Then I think I’ll accept her kind offer of a seat in her coupe.”

Mrs. Somers:“Oh! I thought, of course, you’d stay–at her request.”

Campbell:“No; I shall only stay at yours.”

Mrs. Somers:“And I shall not ask you. In fact, I warn you not to.”

Campbell:“Why?”

Mrs. Somers:“Because, if you urge me to speak now, I shall say–“

Campbell:“I wasn’t going to urge you.”

Mrs. Somers:“No matter! I shall say it now without being urged. Yes, I’ve made up my mind. I can’t marry a flirt.”

Campbell:“I can, Amy.”

Mrs. Somers:“Sir!”

Campbell:“You know very well you sent those people into the other room to keep me here and torment me–“

Mrs. Somers:“Now you’ve insulted me, and all is over.”

Campbell:“To tantalize me with your loveliness, your beauty, your grace, Amy!”

Mrs. Somers, softening: “Oh, that’s all very well–“

Campbell:“I’m glad you like it. I could go on at much greater length. But you know I love you dearly, Amy, and why should you delight in my agonies? But only marry me, and you shall delight in them as long as you live, and–“

Mrs. Somers:“You must hold me very cheap to think I would take you from that creature.”

Campbell:“Confound her! I wasn’t hers to give. I offered myself first.”

Mrs. Somers:“She offered you last, and–no, thank you, please.”