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Five O’Clock Tea: Farce
by
Campbell:“It’s of no use. They won’t have me.”
Lawton:“Who won’t?”
Campbell:“Oh, I’ll leave Mrs. Somers to say.”
XII
[MRS. SOMERS and the OTHERS]
Mrs. Somers, radiantly reappearing: “Say what?” She has hidden the traces of her tears from every one but the ladies by a light application of powder, and she knows that they all know she has been crying, and this makes her a little more smiling. “Say what?” She addresses the company in general rather than Campbell.
Campbell, with caricatured tenderness: “Say yes.”
Mrs. Somers:“What does he mean, Doctor?”
Lawton:“Oh, I’m afraid he’s past all surgery. I give him over to you, Mrs. Somers.”
Campbell:“There, now. She wasn’t the last to do it!”
Mrs. Somers, with the resolution of a widow: “Well, I suppose there’s nothing else for it, then. I’ll see what can be done for your patient, Doctor.” She passes her hand through Campbell’s arm, where he continues to stand behind the tea-table.
Mrs. Roberts, falling upon her and kissing her: “Amy, you don’t mean it!”
Mrs. Bemis, embracing her in turn: “I never can believe it.”
Mrs. Crashaw:“It is ridiculous! What, Willis?”
Mrs. Miller:“It does seem too nice to be true.”
Bemis:“You astonish us!”
Roberts:“We never should have dreamed of it.”
Young Mr. Bemis:“You must give us time to realize it.”
Mrs. Wharton:“Is it possible?“
Miss Bayly:“Is it possible?” They all shake hands with Mrs. Somers in turn.
Roberts:“Isn’t this rather sudden, Willis?”
Campbell:“Well, it is–for Mrs. Somers, perhaps. But I’ve found it awfully gradual.”
Mrs. Somers:“Nonsense! It’s an old story for both of us.”
Campbell:“Well, what I like about it is, it’s true. Founded on fact!”
Mrs. Roberts:“Really? I can’t believe it!”
Campbell:“Well, I don’t know whom all this charming incredulity’s intended to flatter, but if it’s I, I say no, not really, at all! It’s merely a little coup de theatre we’ve been arranging.”
Lawton, patting him on the shoulder: “One ahead, as usual.”
Mrs. Somers:“Oh, thank you, Doctor! There are two of us ahead now.”
Lawton:“I believe you, at any rate. Bravo!” He initiates an applause in which all the rest join, while Campbell catches up Mrs. Somers’s fan and unfurls it before both their faces.