FullReads

CAMPBELL, absently: “Yes. Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, you know. Agnes won’t be able to express her feelings anyway when she sees this room. It looks as if a small cyclone had been joking round here; but she’ll like your devotion in doing your utmost.”

ROBERTS. “Do you think so? I’m not so sure. But we’ll try it.” He pushes the ice-pick in with all his strength.

CAMPBELL. “That’s it! Now then!” They each grasp a handle of the drawer and pull. “One, two, three–pull! Once more–pull! Now the third time–pull! And out she comes!” The bolt suddenly gives and the drawer drops violently to the floor, scattering its contents in every direction, while the two men totter backward and cling to each other to keep their balance. At the same moment the voices of Mrs. Roberts and Mrs. Campbell make themselves heard without in vague cries of astonishment, question, and apprehension, mounting into a wild shriek as the drawer crashes to the floor.

III

MRS. ROBERTS, without: “Oh, Edward, is it a burglar?”

MRS. CAMPBELL, without: “Is it a mouse, Willis?”

MRS. ROBERTS. “Ring for the district telegraph–call for a policeman, Edward! Press the ratchet down three times!”

MRS. CAMPBELL. “Don’t kill him, Willis; don’t you dare to kill him. Take him up with the tongs and fling him out of the window!”

MRS. ROBERTS. “Don’t trust him, Edward: get Willis to hold him, and press the ratchet quick!”

MRS. CAMPBELL. “Keep him from getting back into his hole, for then you never can tell whether he’s there or not!”

MRS. ROBERTS. “Why don’t you answer, Edward? Oh, dear, perhaps he’s garroted Edward. I know he has!”

MRS. CAMPBELL. “Willis, if this is any of your tricks–if it’s one of your miserable practical jokes–“

MRS. ROBERTS. “Oh, I wonder what they’re keeping so quiet for! Edward, are you safe? Do you need me? If you do, just speak, and I will–go for a policeman, myself!”

MRS. CAMPBELL. “If you don’t answer, Willis–” Whimpering: “Oh, he just wants to make me take my life in my hand! He wouldn’t like anything better.” The two men, during this rapid colloquy, remain silently aghast, staring at each other and at the scene of confusion around them.

MRS. ROBERTS. “Well, then, do it, Amy! You have so much more courage than I have, and you have no children; and if you’ll only go to the door and peep in I’ll stay here, and keep screaming as loud as ever I can. I’ll begin now–“

ROBERTS. “No, no; don’t call out, Agnes. It’s all right. We’ve just had a little accident with one of the bureau drawers. It’s perfectly safe; but don’t come in till we–” He dashes madly about the room, trying to put it in shape. Both ladies instantly show themselves at the door.

MRS. ROBERTS, in dismay at the spectacle: “Why, what in the world has happened, Edward?”

MRS. CAMPBELL. “It’s something Willis has put him up to. I knew it was from the way he kept so still. Where is he?”

CAMPBELL, coming boldly forward out of Roberts’s dressing-room, where he had previously taken refuge: “I’ve saved Roberts’s life. If it hadn’t been for me he couldn’t have moved hand or foot. He was dead asleep when I came here, and I’ve been helping him look for his dress-suit.” At these words Mrs. Roberts abandons herself to despair in one of the chairs overflowing with clothes. “Hello! What’s the matter with Agnes?”

MRS. ROBERTS. “I never can look any one in the face again! To think of my doing such a thing when I’ve always prided myself on being so thoughtful, and remembering things so perfectly! And here I’ve been reproaching Edward and poor Willis the whole evening for not coming to that horrid musicale, and accusing them of all kinds of things, and all the time I knew I’d forgotten something and couldn’t think what it was! Oh, dear! I shall simply never forgive myself! But it was all because I wanted him to look so nice in it, and I got it pressed while he was away, and I folded it up in the tissue-paper myself, and took the greatest care of it; and then to have it turn out the way it has!”