PAGE 8
A Likely Story – Farce
by
CAMPBELL,with irony: “Oh!”
III
[MRS. CAMPBELL; MR. WELLING; MR. CAMPBELL]
MRS. CAMPBELL,appearing through the portiere that separates the breakfast-room from the parlor beyond: “Yes!” She goes up and gives her hand to Mr. Welling with friendly frankness. “And it was very nice of you to think of me at such a time, when you ought to have been thinking of some one else.”
WELLING,with great relief and effusion: “Oh, thank you, Mrs. Campbell! I was sure you would understand. You couldn’t have imagined me capable of addressing such language to you; of presuming–of–“
MRS. CAMPBELL:“Of course not! And Willis has quite lost his head. I saw in an instant just how it was. I’m so sorry you can’t come to my party–“
CAMPBELL:“Amy, have you been eavesdropping?”
MRS. CAMPBELL:“There was no need of eavesdropping. I could have heard you out at Loon Rock Light, you shouted so. But as soon as I recognized Mr. Welling’s voice I came to the top of the stairs and listened. I was sure you would do something foolish. But now I think we had better make a clean breast of it, and tell Mr. Welling just what we’ve done. We knew, of course, the letter wasn’t for me, and we thought we wouldn’t vex you about it, but just send it to the one it was meant for. We’ve surprised your secret, MR. WELLING, though we didn’t intend to; but if you’ll accept our congratulations–under the rose, of course–we won’t let it go any further. It does seem so perfectly ideal, and I feel like saying, Bless you, my children! You’ve been in and out here so much this summer, and I feel just like an elder sister to Margaret.”
WELLING:“Margaret?”
MRS. CAMPBELL:“Well, MISS RICE, then–“
WELLING:“Miss Rice?”
MRS. CAMPBELL,with dignity: “Oh, I’m sorry if we seem to presume upon our acquaintance with the matter. We couldn’t very well help knowing it under the circumstances.”
WELLING:“Certainly, certainly–of course: I don’t mind that at all: I was going to tell you, anyway: that was partly the reason why I came instead of writing–“
CAMPBELL,in an audible soliloquy: “I supposed he had written.”
MRS. CAMPBELL,intensely: “Don’t interrupt, Willis! Well?”
WELLING:“But I don’t see what Miss Rice has to do with it.”
MRS. CAMPBELL:“You don’t see! Why, isn’t Margaret Rice the one–“
WELLING:“What one?”
MRS. CAMPBELL:“The one that you’re engaged–the one that the note was really for?“
WELLING:“No! What an idea! Miss Rice? Not for an instant! It’s–it’s her friend–Miss Greenway–who’s staying with her–“
MRS. CAMPBELL,in a very awful voice: “Willis! Get me some water–some wine! Help me! Ah! Don’t touch me! It was you, you who did it all! Oh, now what shall I do?” She drops her head upon Campbell’s shoulder, while Welling watches them in stupefaction.
CAMPBELL:“It’s about a million times nicer than we could have expected. That’s the way with a nice thing when you get it started. Well, young man, you’re done for; and so are we, for that matter. We supposed that note which you addressed to Mrs. Campbell was intended for Miss Rice–“
WELLING:“Ho, ho, ho! Ah, ha, ha! Miss Rice? Ha–“
CAMPBELL:“I’m glad you like it. You’ll enjoy the rest of it still better. We thought it was for MISS RICE and my wife neatly imitated your hand on an envelope and sent it over to her just before you came in. Funny, isn’t it? Laugh on! Don’t mind us!”
WELLING,aghast: “Thought my note was for Miss Rice? Sent it to her? Gracious powers!” They all stand for a moment in silence, and then Welling glances at the paper in his hand. “But there’s some mistake. You haven’t sent my note to MISS RICE: here it is now!”