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A Likely Story – Farce
by
CAMPBELL,with the calm of a man accustomed to emotional superabundance, lifting the note from the toast-rack before him: “Well, let’s see.” He reads aloud: “‘Oh, my darling! How can I live till I see you? I will be there long before the hour! To think of your asking me! You should have said, “I permit you to come,” and I would have flown from the ends of the earth. The presence of others will be nothing. It will be sweet to ignore them in my heart, and while I see you moving among them, and looking after their pleasure with that beautiful thoughtfulness of yours, to think, “She is mine, mine, mine!”
“Oh, young lord lover, what sighs are those
For one that can never be thine?”
I thank you, and thank you a thousand times over, for this proof of your trust in me, and of your love–our love. You shall be the sole keeper of our secret–it is so sweet to think that no one even suspects it!–and it shall live with you, and if you will, it shall die with me. Forever yours, Arthur Welling.'” Campbell turns the note over, and picking up the envelope, examines the address. “Well, upon my word! It’s to you, Amy–on the outside, anyway. What do you suppose he means?”
MRS. CAMPBELL,in her handkerchief: “Oh, I don’t know; I don’t know why he should address such language to me!”
CAMPBELL,recurring to the letter: “I never did. ‘Oh, my darling–live till I see you–ends of the earth–others will be nothing–beautiful thoughtfulness–mine, mine, mine–our love–sweet to think no one suspects it–forever yours.‘ Amy, these are pretty strong expressions to use towards the wife of another, and she a married lady! I think I had better go and solve that little problem of how he can live till he sees you by relieving him of the necessity. It would be disagreeable to him, but perhaps there’s a social duty involved.”
MRS. CAMPBELL:“Oh, Willis, don’t torment me! What do you suppose it means? Is it some–mistake? It’s for somebody else!”
CAMPBELL:“I don’t see why he should have addressed it to you, then.”
MRS. CAMPBELL:“But don’t you see? He’s been writing to some other person at the same time, and he’s got the answers mixed–put them in the wrong envelopes. Oh dear! I wonder who she is!”
CAMPBELL,studying her with an air of affected abstraction: “Her curiosity gets the better of her anguish. Look here, Amy! I believe you’re afraid it’s to some one else.”
MRS. CAMPBELL:“Willis!”
CAMPBELL:“Yes. And before we proceed any further I must know just what you wrote to this–this Mr. Welling of yours. Did you put on R.S.V.P.?”
MRS. CAMPBELL:“Yes; and just a printed card like all the rest. I did want to write him a note in the first person, and urge him to come, because I expected Miss Rice and Miss Greenway to help me receive; but when I found Margaret had promised Mrs. Curwen for the next day, I knew she wouldn’t like to take the bloom off that by helping me first; so I didn’t.”
CAMPBELL:“Didn’t what?”
MRS. CAMPBELL:“Write to him. I just sent a card.”
CAMPBELL:“Then these passionate expressions are unprovoked, and my duty is clear. I must lose no time in destroying Mr. Welling. Do you happen to know where I laid my revolver?”
MRS. CAMPBELL:“Oh, Willis, what are you going to do? You see it’s a mistake.”
CAMPBELL:“Mr. Welling has got to prove that. I’m not going to have young men addressing my wife as Oh their darling, without knowing the reason why. It’s a liberty.”
MRS. CAMPBELL,inclined to laugh: “Ah, Willis, how funny you are!”