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A Likely Story – Farce
by
WELLING:“Nelly!” He approaches, and timidly takes her hand.
MISS GREENWAY:“Arthur! That letter was addressed in your handwriting. Will you please explain?”
WELLING:“Why, it’s very simple–that is, it’s the most difficult thing in the world. Nelly, can you believe anything I say to you?”
MISS GREENWAY:“What nonsense! Of course I can–if you’re not too long about it.”
WELLING:“Well, then, the letter in that envelope was one I wrote to Mrs. Campbell–or the copy of one.”
MISS GREENWAY:“The copy?”
WELLING:“But let me explain. You see, when I got your note asking me to be sure and come to Mrs. Curwen’s–“
MISS GREENWAY:“Yes?”
WELLING:“–I had just received an invitation from Mrs. Campbell for her garden-party, and I sat down and wrote to you, and concluded I’d step over and tell her why I couldn’t come, and with that in mind I addressed your letter–the one I’d written you–to her.”
MISS GREENWAY:“With my name inside?”
WELLING:“No; I merely called you ‘darling’; and when Mrs. Campbell opened it she saw it couldn’t be for her, and she took it into her head it must be for Miss Rice.”
MISS GREENWAY:“For Margaret? What an idea! But why did she put your envelope on it?”
WELLING:“She made a copy, for the joke of it; and then, in her hurry, she enclosed that in my envelope, and kept the original and the envelope she’d addressed to Miss Rice, and–and that’s all.”
MISS GREENWAY:“What a perfectly delightful muddle! And how shall we get out of it with Margaret?”
WELLING:“With Margaret? I don’t care for her. It’s you that I want to get out of it with. And you do believe me–you do forgive me, Nelly?”
MISS GREENWAY:“For what?”
WELLING:“For–for–I don’t know what for. But I thought you’d be so vexed.”
MISS GREENWAY:“I shouldn’t have liked you to send a letter addressed darling to Mrs. Curwen; but Mrs. Campbell is different.”
WELLING:“Oh, how archangelically sensible! How divine of you to take it in just the right way!”
MISS GREENWAY:“Why, of course! How stupid I should be to take such a thing in the wrong way!”
WELLING:“And I’m so glad now I didn’t try to lie to you about it.”
MISS GREENWAY:“It wouldn’t have been of any use. You couldn’t have carried off anything of that sort. The truth is bad enough for you to carry off. Promise me that you will always leave the other thing to me.”
WELLING:“I will, darling; I will, indeed.”
MISS GREENWAY:“And now we must tell Margaret, of course.”
X
[MISS RICE; then MR. and MRS. CAMPBELL, and the OTHERS]
MISS RICE,rushing in upon them, and clasping Miss Greenway in a fond embrace: “You needn’t. Mrs. Campbell has told me; and oh, Nelly, I’m so happy for you! And isn’t it all the greatest mix?”
CAMPBELL,rushing in, and wringing Welling’s hand: “You needn’t tell me, either; I’ve been listening, and I’ve heard every word. I congratulate you, my dear boy! I’d no idea she’d let you up so easily. You’ll allow yourself it isn’t a very likely story.”
WELLING:“I know it. But–“
MISS RICE:“That’s the very reason no one could have made it up.”
MISS GREENWAY:“He couldn’t have made up even a likely story.”
CAMPBELL:“Congratulate you again, Welling. Do you suppose she can keep so always?”
MRS. CAMPBELL,rushing in with extended hands: “Don’t answer the wretch, Mr. Welling. Of course she can with you. Dansons!” She gives a hand to Miss Greenway and Welling each; the others join them, and as they circle round the table she sings,
“Sur le pont d’Avignon,
Tout le monde y danse en rond.”