PAGE 11
A Likely Story – Farce
by
MRS. CAMPBELL:“And I can say that I sent it at your suggestion, and then, instead of trying to help me out of the awful, awful–box, you took a cruel pleasure in teasing me about it! But I shall not say anything, for I shall not see them. I will leave you to receive them and make the best of it. Don’t try to stop me, Willis.” She threatens him with her fan as he steps forward to intercept her escape.
CAMPBELL:“No, no! Listen, Amy! You must stay and see those ladies. It’s all well enough to leave it to me, but what about poor Welling? He hasn’t done anything–except cause the whole trouble.”
MRS. CAMPBELL:“I am very sorry, but I can’t help it. I must go.” Campbell continues to prevent her flight, and she suddenly whirls about and makes a dash at the open window. “Oh, very well, then! I can get out this way.” At the same moment Miss Rice and Miss Greenway appear before the window on the piazza. “Ugh! E–e–e! How you frightened me! But–but come in. So gl–glad to see you! And you–you too, Miss Greenway. Here’s Mr. Welling. He’s been desolating us with a story about having to be away over my party, and just getting back for Mrs. Curwen’s. Isn’t it too bad? Can’t some of you young ladies–or all of you–make him stay?” As Mrs. Campbell talks on, she readjusts her spirit more and more to the exigency, and subdues her agitation to a surface of the sweetest politeness.
VIII
[MISS RICE, MISS GREENWAY, and the OTHERS]
MISS RICE,entering with an unopened letter in her hand, which she extends to Mrs. Campbell: “What in the world does it all mean, Mrs. Campbell, your sending your letters flying after me at this rate?”
MRS. CAMPBELL,with a gasp: “My letters?” She mechanically receives the extended note, and glances at the superscription: “Mrs. Willis Campbell. Ah!” She hands it quickly to her husband, who reads the address with a similar cry.
CAMPBELL:“Well, well, Amy! This is a pretty good joke on you. You’ve sealed up one of your own notes, and sent it to Miss Rice. Capital! Ah, ha, ha!”
MRS. CAMPBELL,with hysterical rapture: “Oh, how delicious! What a ridiculous blunder! I don’t wonder you were puzzled, Margaret.”
WELLING:“What! Sent her your own letter, addressed to yourself?”
MRS. CAMPBELL:“Yes. Isn’t it amusing?”
WELLING:“The best thing I ever heard of.”
MISS RICE:“Yes. And if you only knew what agonies of curiosity Miss Greenway and I had suffered, wanting to open it and read it anyway, in spite of all the decencies, I think you would read it to us.”
CAMPBELL:“Or at least give Miss Rice her own letter. What in the world did you do with that?”
MRS. CAMPBELL:“Put it in my desk, where I thought I put mine. But never mind it now. I can tell you what was in it just as well. Come in here a moment, Margaret.” She leads the way to the parlor, whither Miss Rice follows.
MISS GREENWAY,poutingly: “Oh, mayn’t I know, too? I think that’s hardly fair, Mrs. Campbell.”
MRS. CAMPBELL:“No; or–Margaret may tell you afterwards; or Mr. Welling may, now!”
MISS GREENWAY:“How very formidable!”
MRS. CAMPBELL,over her shoulder, on going out: “Willis, bring me the refusals and acceptances, won’t you? They’re up-stairs.”
CAMPBELL:“Delighted to be of any service.” Behind Miss Greenway’s back he dramatizes over her head to Welling his sense of his own escape, and his compassion for the fellow-man whom he leaves in the toils of fate.
IX
[MISS GREENWAY; MR. WELLING]