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“Ha! if the cat once turned her back,
Pray where would be the mice?
They’d sally forth from every crack,
My very mufti would attack,
Spoil all things in a trice!
Oddsbodikins! ’tis pretty cool!
I’ll let him see I’m no such fool!

“A pleasant uproar happened erst,
When they assailed my tower!
No fault of mine ’twas, at the worst,
That from their desks and chains to burst
Philosophers had power.
What, has there e’er escaped a poet?
Help, heaven! what misery to know it!

“When days are long, folks talk more stuff!
Upon your seats, no doubt,
With all your cards and music rough,
And scribblings too, ’tis hard enough
The moments to eke out.
Idleness, like a flea will gnaw
On velvet cushions,–as on straw.

“My brother no attempt omits
To drive away ennui;
His lightning round about him flits,
The target with his storms he hits
(Those howls prove that to me),
Till Rhea’s trembling shoulders ache,
And force me e’en for hell to quake.

“Were I grandfather Coelus, though,
You wouldn’t soon escape!
Into my belly straight you’d go,
And in your swaddling-clothes cry ‘oh!’
And through five windows gape!
First o’er my stream you’d have to come,
And then, perhaps, to Elysium!

“Your steed you mounted, I dare say,
In hopes to catch a goose;
If it is worth the trouble, pray
Tell what you’ve heard from me to-day,
At shaving time, to Zeus.
Just leave him then to swallow it;
I don’t care what he thinks a bit;

“You’d better now go homeward straight!
Your servant! there’s the door!
For all your pains–one moment wait!
I’ll give you–liberal is the rate–
A piece of ruby-ore.
In heaven such things are rareties;
We use them for base purposes.”

BOOK III.

The god at once, then, said farewell,
At small politeness striving;
When sudden through the crowds of hell
A flying courier rushed pell-mell,
From Tellus’ bounds arriving.
“Monarch! a doctor follows me!
Behold this wondrous prodigy!”

“Place for the doctor!” each one said–
He comes with spurs and whip,
To every one he nods his head,
As if he had been born and bred
In Tartarus–the rip!
As jaunty, fearless, full of nous
As Britons in the Lower House.

“Good morrow, worthy sirs!–Ahem!
I’m glad to see that here
(Where all they of Prometheus’ stem
Must come, whene’er the Fates condemn)
One meets with such good cheer!
Why for Elysium care a rush?
I’d rather see hell’s fountains gush!”

“Stop! stop! his impudence, I vow,
Its due reward shall meet;
By Charles’s wain, I swear it now!
He must–no questions I’ll allow,–
Prescribe me a receipt.
All hell is mine, I’m Pluto hight!
Make haste to bring your wares to light!”

The doctor, with a knowing look,
The swarthy king surveyed;
He neither felt his pulse, nor took
The usual steps,–(see Galen’s book),–
No difference ‘twould have made
As piercing as electric fire
He eyed him to his heart’s desire.

“Monarch! I’ll tell thee in a trice
The thing that’s needed here;
Though desperate may seem the advice–
The case itself is very nice–
And children dragons fear.
Devil must devil eat!–no more!–
Either a wife,–or hellebore!

“Whether she scold, or sportive play,
(‘Tween these, no medium’s known),
She’ll drive the incubus away
That has assailed thee many a day
Upon thine iron throne.
She’ll make the nimble spirits fleet
Up towards the head, down towards the feet.”

Long may the doctor honored be
Who let this saying fall!
He ought to have his effigy
By Phidias sculptured, so that he
May be discerned by all;
A monument forever thriving,
Boerhaave, Hippocrates, surviving!