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A title for him’s easily made;
And, by the by, one Christmas time,
If I remember right, he played
Lord MORLEY in some pantomime:–[1]
As Earl of Morley then gazette him,
If t’other Earl of MORLEY’ll let him,
(And why should not the world be blest
“With two such stars, for East and West?)
Then, when before the Yellow Screen
He’s brought–and, sure, the very essence
Of etiquette would be that scene
Of JOE in the Celestial Presence!–

He thus should say:–“Duke Ho and Soo,
“I’ll play what tricks you please for you,
“If you’ll, in turn, but do for me
“A few small tricks you now shall see.
“If I consult your Emperor’s liking,
“At least you’ll do the same for my King.”

He then should give them nine such grins,
As would astound even Mandarins;
And throw such somersets before
The picture of King GEORGE (God bless him!)
As, should Duke Ho but try them o’er,
Would, by CONFUCIUS, much distress him!

I start this merely as a hint,
But think you’ll find some wisdom in’t;
And, should you follow up the job,
My son, my Lord (you know poor BOB),
Would in the suite be glad to go
And help his Excellency, JOE:–
At least, like noble AMHERST’S son,
The lad will do to practise on.

[1] The celebrated letter to Prince Hardenburgh (written, however, I believe, originally in English) in which his Lordship, professing to see “no moral or political objection” to the dismemberment of Saxony, denounced the unfortunate King as “not only the most devoted, but the most favored, of Bonaparte’s vassals”.

[2] This extraordinary madman is, I believe, in the Bicetre. He imagines, exactly as Mr. Fudge states it, that when the heads of those who had been guillotined were restored, he by mistake got some other person’s instead of his own.

[3] A celebrated pickpocket.

[4] I am afraid that Mr. Fudge alludes here to a very awkward accident, which is well known to have happened to poor Louis le Desire, some years since, at one of the Regent’s Fetes. He was sitting next our gracious Queen at the time.

[5] “The third day of the Feast the King causeth himself to be weighed with great care,”–F. Bernier’s “Voyage to Surat,” etc.

[6] “I remember,” says Bernier, “that all the Omrahs expressed great joy that the King weighed two pounds more now than the year preceding.”– Another author tells us that “Fatness, as well as a very large head, is considered, throughout India, as one of the most precious gifts of heaven.” An enormous skull is absolutely revered, and the happy owner is looked up to as a superior being. To a Prince a joulter head is invaluable.”–Oriental Field Sports.

[7] Major Cartwright.

[8] The name of the first worthy who set up the trade of informer at Rome (to whom our Olivers and Castleses ought to erect a statue) was Romanus Hispo.

[9] Short boots so called.

[10] The open countenance, recommended by Lord Chesterfield.

[11] Mr. Fudge is a little mistaken here. It was not Grimaldi, but some very inferior performer, who played this part of “Lord Morley” in the Pantomime,–so much to the horror of the distinguished Earl of that name.

LETTER X. FROM MISS BIDDY FUDGE TO MISS DOROTHY —-.

Well, it isn’t the King, after all, my dear creature!
But don’t you go laugh, now–there’s nothing to quiz in’t–
For grandeur of air and for grimness of feature,
He might be a King, DOLL, tho’, hang him, he isn’t.
At first, I felt hurt, for I wisht it, I own,
If for no other cause but to vex Miss MALONE,–
(The great heiress, you know, of Shandangan, who’s here,
Showing off with such airs, and a real Cashmere,
While mine’s but a paltry, old rabbit-skin, dear!)
But Pa says, on deeply considering the thing,
“I am just as well pleased it should not be the King;
“As I think for my BIDDY, so gentille and jolie.
“Whose charms may their price in an honest way fetch,
“That a Brandenburgh”–(what is a Brandenburgh, DOLLY?)–
“Would be, after all, no such very great catch.
“If the REGENT indeed”–added he, looking sly–
(You remember that comical squint of his eye)
But I stopt him with “La, Pa, how can you say so,
“When the REGENT loves none but old women, you know!”
Which is fact, my dear DOLLY–we, girls of eighteen,
And so slim–Lord, he’d think us not fit to be seen:
And would like us much better as old-as, as old
As that Countess of DESMOND, of whom I’ve been told
That she lived to much more than a hundred and ten,
And was killed by a fall from a cherry-tree then!
What a frisky old girl! but–to come to my lover,
Who, tho’ not a King, is a hero I’ll swear,–
You shall hear all that’s happened, just briefly run over,
Since that happy night, when we whiskt thro’ the air!