FullReads

It came from gettin’ ‘eated, that was ‘ow the thing begun,
And ‘ackin’ back to kennels from a ninety-minute run;
‘I guess I’ve copped brownchitis,’ says I to brother Jack,
An’ then afore I knowed it I was down upon my back.

At night there came a sweatin’ as left me deadly weak,
And my throat was sort of tickly an’ it ‘urt me for to speak;
An’ then there came an ‘ackin’ cough as wouldn’t leave alone,
An’ then afore I knowed it I was only skin and bone

I never was a ‘eavy weight. I scaled at seven four,
An’ rode at eight, or maybe at just a trifle more;
And now I’ll stake my davy I wouldn’t scale at five,
And I’d ‘old my own at catch-weights with the skinniest jock alive.

And the doctor says the reason why I sit an’ cough an wheeze
Is all along o’ varmint, like the cheese-mites in the cheese;
The smallest kind o’ varmint, but varmint all the same,
Microscopes or somethin’–I forget the varmints’ name.

But I knows as I’m a goner. They never said as much,
But I reads the people’s faces, and I knows as I am such;
Well, there’s ‘Urst to mind the ‘orses and the ‘ounds can look to
Jack,
Though ‘e never was a patch on me in ‘andlin’ of a pack.

You’ll maybe think I’m boastin’, but you’ll find they all agree
That there’s not a whip in Surrey as can ‘andle ‘ounds like me;
For I knew ’em all from puppies, and I’d tell ’em without fail –
If I seed a tail a-waggin’, I could tell who wagged the tail.

And voices–why, Lor’ love you, it’s more than I can ‘elp,
It just comes kind of natural to know each whine an’ yelp;
You might take them twenty couple where you will and let ’em run,
An’ I’d listen by the coverside and name ’em one by one.

I say it’s kind of natural, for since I was a brat
I never cared for readin’ books, or fancy things like that;
But give me ‘ounds and ‘orses an’ I was quite content,
An’ I loved to ear ’em talkin’ and to wonder what they meant.

And when the ‘ydrophoby came five year ago next May,
When Nailer was be’avin’ in a most owdacious way,
I fixed ‘im so’s ‘e couldn’t bite, my ‘ands on neck an’ back,
An’ I ‘eaved ‘im from the kennels, and they say I saved the pack.

An’ when the Master ‘eard of it, ‘e up an’ says, says ‘e,
‘If that chap were a soldier man, they’d give ‘im the V.C.’
Which is some kind a’ medal what they give to soldier men;
An’ Master said if I were such I would ‘a’ got it then.

Parson brought ‘is Bible and come to read to me;
”Ave what you like, there’s everythink within this Book,’ says ‘e.
Says I, ‘They’ve left the ‘orses out!’ Says ‘e, ‘You are mistook;’
An’ ‘e up an’ read a ‘eap of things about them from the Book.

And some of it amazin’ fine; although I’m fit to swear
No ‘orse would ever say ‘Ah, ah!’ same as they said it there.
Per’aps it was an ‘Ebrew ‘orse the chap ‘ad in his mind,
But I never ‘eard an English ‘orse say nothin’ of the kind.

Parson is a good ‘un. I’ve known ‘im from a lad;
‘Twas me as taught ‘im ridin’, an’ ‘e rides uncommon bad;
And he says–But ‘ark an’ listen! There’s an ‘orn! I ‘eard it blow;
Pull the blind from off the winder! Prop me up, and ‘old me so.