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“Should a husband talk it to his frau, to deat’ he should pe led,
If a mutter breat’ it to her shild, I’d bunch her in de head;
Und I’m sure dat none vill atvocate id’s use in pooplic schools,
Oonless dey’re peastly, nashdy, prutal, saur-kraut eadin’ fools.”

Here Mishder Twine, to gadder breat’, shoost make a liddle pause,
Und see sechs hundert gapin’ eyes – sechs hundert shdaring’ chaws!
Dey shtanden erstarrt like frozen – von faindly dried to hiss:-
Und von saidt: “Ish id shleeps I’m treamin’ – Gottstausend! – vhot ish dis?

Twine keptet von eye on de vindow, – boot boldly vent ahet,
“Of your oder shtinkin’ hobits no vordt needt here pe set;
Shdop goozlin’ bier – shdop shmokin’ bipes – shdop rootin’ in de mire,
Und shoost un-Dutchify yourselfs! – dat’s all dat I require.”

Und denn dere coomed a shindy ash if de shky hat trop:
“Trow him mit ecks, py doonder! – go – shlog him on de kop!
Hei! shoot him mit a powie-knifes! – go for him, ganz and gar!
Shoost tar him mit some fedders! – led’s fedder him mit tar!”

Sooch a teufel’s row of furie vas nefer oopkicket pefore,-
Some roosh to on-climb de blatform, – some hoory to festen de toor,-
Von veller vired his refolfer – boot de pullet missed her mark,
She coot de cort of de shandelier – it vell – und de hall vas tark!

Oh vell vas it for Hiram Twine dat nimply he couldt shoomp!
Und vell dat he light on a mist-hauf und nefer feel de boomp!
Und vell for him dat his coot cray horse shtood sottelet shoost outside!
Und vell dat in an augenblick he vas off on a teufel’s ride!

Bang! bang! de sharp pistolen shots vent pipin’ py his ear,
Boot he tortled oop de barrick road like any moundain deer,
Dey trowed der Hiram Twine mit shteins – boot dey only could be-mark
Von climpse of his vhite ober-coat – und a clotterin’ droo de dark.

So dey gesempeled togeder, ein ander to sprechen mit,
Und allow dat soosh a Rede dey nefer exshpegt from Schmit!
Dat he vas a foorst-glass plackguard, und so pig a lump ash ran,
So – nemine contradicente – dey vented for Breitemann.

Und ’twas annerthalb yar dere after before de Schmit vas know,
Vhat maket dis rural fillage go pack oopon him so,
Und he schwored at de Dutch more schlimmer ash Hiram Twine had done,-
Note bene: he tid it in earnest, while der Hiram’s vas pusiness-fun.

Boot vhen Breitmann heardt de shtory how de fillage hat been dricked,
He schwore bei Leib und Leben, dat he’d rader hafe peen licked,
Dan be helpet droo sooch slumgoozlin’, – und ’twas petter to pe a schwein,
Dan a schvindlin’, honeyfooglin’ shnake, like dat lyin’ Yankee Twine.

Und pegot so heavy disgootet mit de boledics of dis land,
Dat his friendts could barely keep him from trowin’ oop his hand,
Vhen he held shtraight-flush mit an ace in his poot-vitch phrase ish all de same,
In de science of pokerology, ash if he got de game.

So Breitmann cot elegdet, py vollowin’ de vay,
Ve manage our elegdions oonto dis fery day.
Dis shows de Deutch Dummehrlichkeit – also de Yankee “wit:”-
Das ist das abenteuer how Breitmann lick der Schmit.

FOOTNOTE 1.
The incident narrated in this part, is told in Pennsylvania as having occurred to a well-known politician, who bore the sobriquet of “With all due deference,” from his habit of beginning all his speeches with these words.