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“Und dat ve may meed in gommon, I deglare here in dis hall-
Und I shvears mineself to holt to it, votefer may pefall-
Dat any man who gifes me his fote – votefer his boledics pe-
Shall alfays pe regartet ash bolidigal friendt py me. “

(Dis voonderfol Condescension pring down drementous applause,
Und dose who catch de nodion gife most derriple hooraws:
Eshbecially some Amerigans ash vas shtandin’ near de door,
Und who in all deir leben long nefer heard so moosh sense pefore.)

“Dese ish de brinciples I holts, and dose in vitch I run:
Dey ish fixed firm und immutaple ash de course of de ‘ternal sun:
Boot if you ton’t approve of dem – blease nodice vot I say-
I shall only pe too happy to alder dem right afay.

“Und undo my Demogratic friendts I vould fery glearly shtate-
Since dis useless mit oop-geclearéd minds to hold a long depate-
Dat dere’s no man in de cidy who sells besser liquor ash I,
Und I shtand de treadts free-gradis vhenefer mine friendts ish try.

” Ad finem – in de ende – I moost mendion do you all,
Dat a dootzen parrels of lager bier ish a-gomin’ to dis hall:
Dere ish none of mine own barty here, bot we’ll do mitout deir helfs;
Und I kess, on de whole, ’twill pe shoost so goot if ve trink it all ourselfs.”

Soosh drementous up-loudation pefore vas nefer seen,
Ash dey svored dat der Copitain Breitmann vas a brickpat, und no sardine;[1]
Und dey trinked demselfs besoffen, sayin’, “Hobe you wird sookceed!”-
De nexter theil will pe de ent of dis historisch lied.

FOOTNOTE 1.
“No more interlect than a half-grown shad,” is a phrase which occurs, if the author remembers aright, in the Charcoal Sketches, by J. C. Neal. The Western people have carried this idea a step further, and applied it to sardines, as “small fishes,” all of an average size, packed closely together in tin cans and excluded from the light of day. A man who has never travelled, and has during all his life been packed tightly among those who were his equals in ignorance and inexperience, is therefore a “sardine.”