PAGE 6
Washington Crossing the Delaware
by
HONEYMAN
Two hogsheads won’t go so far with a whole brigade.
RALL
Oh, I haven’t got a whole brigade.
HONEYMAN
Ye ain’t?
RALL
No, just a thousand men, that’s all! Why sir, they
can all get roarin’ drunk on the ration I’ll issue ’em.
HONEYMAN
An’ like as not they will, eh, Colonel?
RALL
(
chuckling
)
Well, Honeyman, what do you expect o’ soldiers?
Christmas you know–and out here in this God-forsaken
place. Let ’em get drunk, I say. There’s nothing else to do.
HONEYMAN
Wal’, Colonel, I cal’ate ’tain’t often ye find a
better officer than ye be! I’d like to serve under ye!
RALL
Well, if you want–
HONEYMAN
Yes, sir. I’d do it if I wasn’t helpin’ along things in my way by roundin’ up food fer the king’s men. Wal’, mebbe ye better sign fer these critters out in front an’ I’ll be gittin’ along. I got to hike over to the next post. Er–by the way–how fer is it to the next detachment o’ troops?
RALL
Oh, about six miles south.
HONEYMAN
Six miles, huh? How fer to the next one north?
RALL
Nobody north of us.
HONEYMAN
Eh, nobody north?
RALL
No, I’m command of the flank. This is the last post.
HONEYMAN
I cal’ate that makes a lot o’ hard work fer ye, Colonel?
RALL
Hard work?
HONEYMAN
Sure, don’t ye have to patrol up an’ down the
river, an’ sich like things?
RALL
(
laughing
)
What for?
HONEYMAN
Wal’, after all, there’s
some
o’ the
enemy left, ain’t there?
RALL
(
laughing
)
A half-a-dozen starved ragamuffins.
What could they do to my trained Hessians?
HONEYMAN
(
joining in the laugh
)
Not much, I cal’ate!
Ye ain’t in much danger, an’ that’s a fact!
RALL
If we had some boats we’d soon make short work of
them. But confound the rascals, they made away
with all the boats.
HONEYMAN
Ye ain’t got no boats, eh?
RALL
Not a one!
HONEYMAN
Ye ain’t built none, eh?
RALL
Why should we?
HONEYMAN
Wal’–if ye want to git across the river–
RALL
Oh, we’ll get across as soon as the river freezes over.
We’ll get the last o’ the rebels then.
HONEYMAN
Wal’, Colonel, good luck to ye. But I hope ye won’t
be in too big a hurry to capture all the rebels!
RALL
Eh, what’s that?
HONEYMAN
Er–I’ll be out of a job; and so’ll ye be, Colonel!
RALL
Yes, that’s right too. Well, let’s have a look
at your cattle and I’ll sign for ’em.
HONEYMAN
Come on–you fu’st, sir.
RALL
Thanks–hm–how many did you say there were?
HONEYMAN
There’s twenty-two critters there–er,
there was when I drove ’em up.
RALL
Hm–they look a little scrawny.
HONEYMAN
Best I could git, Colonel!
RALL
(
counting
)
Two–four–five–seven–ten
(
etc.
)
Hm–twenty-one’s all I make, Honeyman.
HONEYMAN
Twenty-one? Pshaw now–did one o’ them critters
go trapsin’ off.
(
he counts
)
Yes sir, that’s just what’s happened. Wall–sign fer
the twenty-one, an’ I’ll go out lookin’ fer that other critter.