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Vision
by
“O my Lord,” I cried, “Thy face is hidden. I cannot see. I am blind. I hold tight this broken rudder of a heart till my hands bleed. The waves have become too strong for me. How long wilt thou try me, my God, how long?”
I kept my head prone upon the bedstead and began to sob. As I did so, I felt the bedstead move a little. The next moment Hemangini was by my side. She clung to my neck, and wiped my tears away silently. I do not know why she had been waiting that evening in the inner room, or why she had been lying alone there in the dusk. She asked me no question. She said no word. She simply placed her cool hand on my forehead, and kissed me, and departed.
The next morning Hemangini said to her aunt in my presence : “If you want to stay on, you can. But I don’t. I’m going away home with our family servant.”
The aunt said there was no need for her to go alone, for she was going away also. Then smilingly and mincingly she brought out, from a plush case, a ring set with pearls.
“Look, Hemo,” said she, “what a beautiful ring my Abinash brought for you.”
Hemangini snatched the ring from her hand.
“Look, Aunt,” she answered quickly, “just see how splendidly I aim.” And she flung the ring into the tank outside the window.
The aunt, overwhelmed with alarm, vexation, and surprise, bristled like a hedgehog. She turned to me, and held me by the hand.
“Kumo,” she repeated again and again, “don’t say a word about this childish freak to Abinash. He would be fearfully vexed.”
I assured her that she need not fear. Not a word would reach him about it from my lips.
The next day before starting for home Hemangini embraced me, and said: “Dearest, keep me in mind; do not forget me.”
I stroked her face over and over with my fingers, and said: “Sister, the blind have long memories.”
I drew her head towards me, and kissed her hair and her forehead. My world suddenly became grey. All the beauty and laughter and tender youth, which had nestled so close to me, vanished when Hemangini departed. I went groping about with arms outstretched, seeking to find out what was left in my deserted world.
My husband came in later. He affected a great relief now that they were gone, but it was exaggerated and empty. He pretended that his aunt’s visit had kept him away from work.
Hitherto there had been only the one barrier of blindness between me and my husband. Now another barrier was added, –this deliberate silence about Hemangini. He feigned utter indifference, but I knew he was having letters about her.
It was early in May. My maid entered my room one morning, and asked me: “What is all this preparation going on at the landing on the river? Where is Master going?”
I knew there was something impending, but I said to the maid: “I can’t say.”
The maid did not dare to ask me any more questions. She sighed, and went away.
Late that night my husband came to me.
“I have to visit a patient in the country,” said he. “I shall have to start very early to-morrow morning, and I may have to be away for two or three days.”
I got up from my bed. I stood before him, and cried aloud: “Why are you telling me lies?”
My husband stammered out: “What–what lies have I told you?”
I said: “You are going to get married.”
He remained silent. For some moments there was no sound in the room. Then I broke the silence:
“Answer me,” I cried. “Say, yes.”
He answered, “Yes,” like a feeble echo.
I shouted out with a loud voice: “No! I shall never allow you. I shall save you from this great disaster, this dreadful sin. If I fail in this, then why am I your wife, and why did I ever worship my God?”