FullReads

“Why, it’s just ’cause they think you can lick any man in town. That’s the way with some women. The more brutal a man is to his own wife, the more the other women seem to appreciate him. I must say, it takes a purty good man to lick that wife of your’n–she’s twice as big as you are, and–“

“Why, gosh dern it, Mr. Crow, I couldn’t lick Stella in a million years,” whispered Lucius fiercely.

“What’s that? You–you say you can’t lick your wife?”

“I should say not!” exclaimed Mr. Fry, raising his voice in earnestness. Instantly he lowered it, standing on his tip-toes the better to impart the following information to the amazed Marshal: “She can lick me with both hands tied behind her back. Nobody knows it better’n I do. I just got to keep throwin’ things at her an’ cussin’ an’ smashin’ furniture, an’ all that, ’cause if she ever got an idea how scared I am of her, she’d pick me up by the seat of my pants an’–Oh, I tell you it’s gettin’ to be more’n I c’n stand, Mr. Crow. It’s mighty hard to keep on thinkin’ you got to keep on bein’ brave when you’re scared plumb to death all the time. Why, if Stella ever got onto the fact that I–“

“But you keep on beatin’ her just the same, don’t you?”

“I never beat her unless her back’s turned. First I throw somethin’ at her. That’s the best way. But you never ought to throw anything unless you got somethin’ ready in the other hand. An’ hang onto that until you’re sure she’s not goin’ to run to’ards you ‘stead of the other way. If you’re goin’ to be a successful wife-beater, you got to use an awful lot of common-sense.” He looked over his shoulder. “Come on up the street a little ways, Mr. Crow,” he said nervously. “Them fool women are edgin’ nearer all the time. Next thing you know, they’ll be tryin’ to sick me onto you, an’–an’ I’d have to make good. They got all their husbands scared of me, an’ they keep tellin’ me that I’m the grandest little man in the world. You know Jim Banks? Well, he’s twice as big as I am. A week or two ago he came out on his back porch an’ called me a name. I started over to apologize to him, but he thought I was comin’ after him, so he jumped back in the kitchen an’ slammed the door. She told me he wanted to send fer you, Mr. Crow. I–I wish he had.”

“I understand you been makin’ threats about what you’d do to me if I ever tried to arrest you,” said Anderson sternly. “Is that true?”

“No, it ain’t. My wife’s been makin’ all the threats. She don’t make any bones about what she’ll do to you if you ever try to arrest me. She says she’ll bust your head fer you.”

Marshal Crow straightened up and glared at the Fry habitation. There was a light in the kitchen window.

“You wait here, Lucius Fry, an’ don’t move till I come back. I’m going in there an’ talk to that wife o’ yourn.”

“You better take a gang o’ men with you. Remember, I’m givin’ you fair warnin’. She’ll eat you alive.”

“I’ll take my friend Mr. Squires with me fer a witness–that’s all. Is she out in the kitchen?”

“I don’t know. I ain’t been in the house since the row. She locked the door on me.”

The Marshal strode away, leaving Vicious Lucius to the mercy of the women. Harry Squires was nowhere in sight. Mr. Crow looked about in some alarm. His speed noticeably decreased. Fumbling in his coat pocket, he found his police whistle and proceeded to blow a shrill blast upon it. A few moments passed, and then Harry came hurrying around the corner of the house.

“Where have you been, dern you?”