PAGE 6
Tricks Of The Trade
by
“‘I am expecting you to dine with me,’ said I. ‘It’s after eleven now; you won’t have time to go around any. You’d better wait until this afternoon.’ I smelt a mouse, as there were other clothing men in town; so I knew I must hold him. But he was hard to entertain. He wouldn’t smoke and wouldn’t drink anything but lemonade. Deliver me from the merchant who is on the water wagon or won’t even take a cigar! He’s hard to get next to. After we finished our lemonade, I brought out my family photographs and kept him listening to me tell how bright my children were–until noon.
“When we finished luncheon I suggested that we go up and do our business as I wanted to leave town as soon as I could. Then he told me he felt he ought to look at another line before buying and that he had promised another man he would look at his line.
“Had I ‘bucked’ on that proposition it would have knocked me out, so I said: ‘To be sure you should. I certainly do not wish you to buy my goods unless they please you better than any you will see. We claim we are doing business on a more economical scale than any concern in the country. We know this, and I shall be only too glad to have you look at other goods; then you will be better satisfied with ours. I’ll take pleasure even in introducing you to several clothing men right here in the house.’
“This line of talk struck ten. My yokel friend said: ‘Well, you talk square and I want to buy of you. I like a man who thinks lots of his family, anyway; I’ve got a big family myself–seven children–baby’s just a month old and a fine boy. But I promised my partner I’d look around if I had a chance, and I think I ought to keep my word with him.’
“Luckily there was another salesman from my firm in town and opened up that same day in the hotel. I sent for him, never letting my yokel friend get away from me a foot. I saw the other man, at whose line my friend wished to look, sitting in the office; but I knew he would obey the rule of the road and not come up to the merchant until I had let him go.
“My partner was a deuce of a long time coming. I listened to episodes in the lives of all of those seven children. I took down notes on good remedies for whooping cough, croup, measles, and all the ills that flesh is heir to–and thanked Heaven we had struck that subject! Finally my partner, Sam, came. As he drew near I gave him the wink, and, introducing my friend to him, said: ‘Now, Mr. Anderson is in town to buy clothing. I have shown him my line, but he feels he ought to look around. Maybe I haven’t all the patterns he wants, and if I can get only a part of the order there is no one I’d rather see get the other than you. Whatever the result, you’ll bring Mr. Anderson to my room, 112, when you get through. Show him thoroughly. I’m in no hurry.’
“Sam marched Anderson up to his room. He caught onto my game all right. I knew he would hold him four hours, if necessary, and tell him all about his family history for seven generations.
“When Sam left, I went over to the cigar stand, pulled out my order book and figured about long enough to add up a bill. I filled my cigar case and going over to my competitor, at whose line Anderson had promised to look, offered him one. He had made a sort of ‘body snatch’ from me anyway and was ashamed to say anything about Anderson, but he asked: ‘How’s business?’
“‘Coming in carriages today,’ said I. ‘My city customer was over early this morning and, no sooner had he gone than a man from the country came in. Two clothing bills in one day is all right, isn’t it? I just turned my country customer over to Sam, as he has a few new patterns in his line I want him to show. Guess I’ll go pack up shortly.’
“I hadn’t told a point blank lie, and my competitor had no right to ask about my affairs, anyway. He also went to pack up.
“I let Sam entertain Anderson until I knew my competitor was out of the way. Then I sent a note up to him. In due time he brought the merchant down and soon excused himself.
“‘That’s a mighty nice fellow,’ said Anderson, ‘but my! his goods are dear. Why, his suits are two to three dollars higher than yours. You’ll certainly get my bill. I told my partner I believed your house would be all right to buy from.’
“I took the order from Anderson, but I was half glad when I heard that he had died a few months afterward; for if he had lived he would have been sure to catch up with me when Sam and I were both in market. And then my goose would have been cooked for all time with him, sure.”
And so it would.