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Three Commandments In The Vulgar Tongue
by
“I never seemed to be alone after that–call it what you will, fancy or delirium. My head was so light that it appeared to spin like a star, and my feet were so heavy that I dragged the whole earth after me. My Indians seldom spoke. I never let them drop behind me, for I did not trust their treacherous natures. But in the end, as it would seem, they also had but one thought, and that to reach Fort Ungava; for there was no food left, none at all. We saw no tribes of Indians and no Esquimaux, for we had not passed in their line of travel or settlement.
“At last I used to dream that birds were singing near me,–a soft, delicate whirlwind of sound; and then bells all like muffled silver rang through the aching, sweet air. Bits of prayer and poetry I learned when a boy flashed through my mind; equations in algebra; the tingling scream of a great buzz-saw; the breath of a racer as he nears the post under the crying whip; my own voice dropping loud profanity, heard as a lad from a blind ferryman; the boom! boom! of a mass of logs as they struck a house on a flooding river and carried it away….
“One day we reached the end. It was near evening, and we came to the top of a wooded knoll. My eyes were dancing in my head with fatigue and weakness, but I could see below us, on the edge of the great bay, a large hut, Esquimau lodges and Indian tepees near it. It was the Fort, my cheerless prison-house.”
He paused. The dog had been watching him with its flaming eyes; now it gave a low growl, as though it understood, and pitied. In the interval of silence the storm without broke. The trees began to quake and cry, the light snow to beat upon the parchment windows, and the chimney to splutter and moan. Presently, out on the bay they could hear the young ice break and come scraping up the shore. Fawdor listened a while, and then went on, waving his hand to the door as he began: “Think! this, and like that always: the ungodly strife of nature, and my sick, disconsolate life.”
“Ever since?” asked Pierre. “All the time.”
“Why did you not go back?”
“I was to wait for orders, and they never came.”
“You were a free man, not a slave.”
“The human heart has pride. At first, as when I left the governor at Lachine, I said, ‘I will never speak, I will never ask nor bend the knee. He has the power to oppress; I can obey without whining, as fine a man as he.'”
“Did you not hate?”
“At first, as only a banished man can hate. I knew that if all had gone well I should be a man high up in the Company, and here I was, living like a dog in the porch of the world, sometimes without other food for months than frozen fish; and for two years I was in a place where we had no fire,–lived in a snow-house, with only blubber to eat. And so year after year, no word!”
“The mail came once every year from the world?” “Yes, once a year the door of the outer life was opened. A ship came into the bay, and by that ship I sent out my reports. But no word came from the governor, and no request went from me. Once the captain of that ship took me by the shoulders, and said, ‘Fawdor, man, this will drive you mad. Come away to England,–leave your half-breed in charge,–and ask the governor for a big promotion.’ He did not understand. Of course I said I could not go. Then he turned on me, he was a good man,–and said, ‘This will either make you madman or saint, Fawdor.’ He drew a Bible from his pocket and handed it to me. ‘I’ve used it twenty years,’ he said, ‘in evil and out of evil, and I’ve spiked it here and there; it’s a chart for heavy seas, and may you find it so, my lad.’