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PAGE 6

The Youngest Miss Piper
by [?]

They met this smiting truth with that characteristic short laugh with which the American usually receives the blow of Fate or the unexpected–as if he recognized only the absurdity of the situation. Then they ran to the women, collected them together, and dragged them to vantages of fancied security among the bushes which flounced the long skirts of the mountain walls. But I leave this part of the description to the characteristic language of one of the party:–

“When the flood struck us, it did not seem to take any stock of us in particular, but laid itself out to ‘go for’ that picnic for all it was worth! It wiped it off the face of the earth in about twenty-five seconds! It first made a clean break from stem to stern, carrying everything along with it. The first thing I saw was old Judge Piper, puttin’ on his best licks to get away from a big can of strawberry ice cream that was trundling after him and trying to empty itself on his collar, whenever a bigger wave lifted it. He was followed by what was left of the brass band; the big drum just humpin’ itself to keep abreast o’ the ice cream, mixed up with camp-stools, music-stands, a few Chinamen, and then what they call in them big San Francisco processions ‘citizens generally.’ The hull thing swept up the canyon inside o’ thirty seconds. Then, what Captain Fairfax called ‘the reflex action in the laws o’ motion’ happened, and darned if the hull blamed procession didn’t sweep back again–this time all the heavy artillery, such as camp-kettles, lager beer kegs, bottles, glasses, and crockery that was left behind takin’ the lead now, and Judge Piper and that ice cream can bringin’ up the rear. As the jedge passed us the second time, we noticed that that ice cream can–hevin’ swallowed water–was kinder losing its wind, and we encouraged the old man by shoutin’ out, ‘Five to one on him!’ And then, you wouldn’t believe what followed. Why, darn my skin, when that ‘reflex’ met the current at the other end, it just swirled around again in what Captain Fairfax called the ‘centrifugal curve,’ and just went round and round the canyon like ez when yer washin’ the dirt out o’ a prospectin’ pan–every now and then washin’ some one of the boys that was in it, like scum, up ag’in the banks.

“We managed in this way to snake out the judge, jest ez he was sailin’ round on the home stretch, passin’ the quarter post two lengths ahead o’ the can. A good deal o’ the ice cream had washed away, but it took us ten minutes to shake the cracked ice and powdered salt out o’ the old man’s clothes, and warm him up again in the laurel bush where he was clinging. This sort o’ ‘Here we go round the mulberry bush’ kep’ on until most o’ the humans was got out, and only the furniture o’ the picnic was left in the race. Then it got kinder mixed up, and went sloshin’ round here and there, ez the water kep’ comin’ down by the trail. Then Lulu Piper, what I was holdin’ up all the time in a laurel bush, gets an idea, for all she was wet and draggled; and ez the things went bobbin’ round, she calls out the figures o’ a cotillon to ’em. ‘Two camp-stools forward.’ ‘Sashay and back to your places.’ ‘Change partners.’ ‘Hands all round.’

“She was clear grit, you bet! And the joke caught on and the other girls jined in, and it kinder cheered ’em, for they was wantin’ it. Then Fludder allowed to pacify ’em by sayin’ he just figured up the size o’ the reservoir and the size o’ the canyon, and he kalkilated that the cube was about ekal, and the canyon couldn’t flood any more. And then Lulu–who was peart as a jay and couldn’t be fooled–speaks up and says, ‘What’s the matter with the ditch, Dick?’