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The Wreck Of The Titan
by
The officer stood a moment, looking ahead and humming a tune to himself; then, saying: “Yes, that’s so,” returned to his place.
“Must have a cast-iron stomach,” he muttered, as he peered into the binnacle; “or else the boats’n dosed the wrong man’s pot.”
Rowland glanced after the retreating officer with a cynical smile. “I wonder,” he said to himself, “why he comes down here talking navigation to a foremast hand. Why am I up here–out of my turn? Is this something in line with that bottle?” He resumed the short pacing back and forth on the end of the bridge, and the rather gloomy train of thought which the officer had interrupted.
“How long,” he mused, “would his ambition and love of profession last him after he had met, and won, and lost, the only woman on earth to him? Why is it–that failure to hold the affections of one among the millions of women who live, and love, can outweigh every blessing in life, and turn a man’s nature into a hell, to consume him? Who did she marry? Some one, probably a stranger long after my banishment, who came to her possessed of a few qualities of mind or physique that pleased her,–who did not need to love her–his chances were better without that–and he steps coolly and easily into my heaven. And they tell us, that ‘God doeth all things well,’ and that there is a heaven where all our unsatisfied wants are attended to–provided we have the necessary faith in it. That means, if it means anything, that after a lifetime of unrecognized allegiance, during which I win nothing but her fear and contempt, I may be rewarded by the love and companionship of her soul. Do I love her soul? Has her soul beauty of face and the figure and carriage of a Venus? Has her soul deep, blue eyes and a sweet, musical voice? Has it wit, and grace, and charm? Has it a wealth of pity for suffering? These are the things I loved. I do not love her soul, if she has one. I do not want it. I want her–I need her.” He stopped in his walk and leaned against the bridge railing, with eyes fixed on the fog ahead. He was speaking his thoughts aloud now, and the first officer drew within hearing, listened a moment, and went back. “Working on him,” he whispered to the third officer. Then he pushed the button which called the captain, blew a short blast of the steam whistle as a call to the boatswain, and resumed his watch on the drugged lookout, while the third officer conned the ship.
The steam call to the boatswain is so common a sound on a steamship as to generally pass unnoticed. This call affected another besides the boatswain. A little night-gowned figure arose from an under berth in a saloon stateroom, and, with wide-open, staring eyes, groped its way to the deck, unobserved by the watchman. The white, bare little feet felt no cold as they pattered the planks of the deserted promenade, and the little figure had reached the steerage entrance by the time the captain and boatswain had reached the bridge.
“And they talk,” went on Rowland, as the three watched and listened; “of the wonderful love and care of a merciful God, who controls all things–who has given me my defects, and my capacity for loving, and then placed Myra Gaunt in my way. Is there mercy to me in this? As part of a great evolutionary principle, which develops the race life at the expense of the individual, it might be consistent with the idea of a God–a first cause. But does the individual who perishes, because unfitted to survive, owe any love, or gratitude to this God? He does not! On the supposition that He exists, I deny it! And on the complete lack of evidence that He does exist, I affirm to myself the integrity of cause and effect–which is enough to explain the Universe, and me. A merciful God–a kind, loving, just, and merciful God–” he burst into a fit of incongruous laughter, which stopped short as he clapped his hands to his stomach and then to his head. “What ails me?” he gasped; “I feel as though I had swallowed hot coals–and my head–and my eyes–I can’t see.” The pain left him in a moment and the laughter returned. “What’s wrong with the starboard anchor? It’s moving. It’s changing. It’s a–what? What on earth is it? On end–and the windlass–and the spare anchors–and the davits–all alive–all moving.”